I like my dreams lately. There's something about them, the lighting maybe?, that makes them seem so peaceful. And even when I wake up for a minute, when I fall back asleep they continue where they left off. They're weird but so amazing. I sometimes wish I never had to wake up again. It's such a nice place my dream world. I miss it...
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I've been thinking about the end of the world alot lately. Not like the end of humanity, but the end of life as we know it. Like a nuclear happens but not everyone dies or gets radiation posioning. Or a zombie apocolypse. They more I think about them the more I want them to happen, but I don't want to be one of the ones who dies. But I know that's stupid because I'd never survive. I'm to weak and stupid. I'm pretty book smart but alot of good that'll do me when I'm trying to survive in the wild. But I want it to happen. Just to see if I could survive. To give me a reason to survive. Because life is so dull here. There's no purpose. All I'm doing is taking up space and precious resources. I feel guilty about it. I want a purpose. I feel bad sometimes because I'm actually jealous of people with hardships. They have a story, a purpose. They get the chance to overcome something. The only thing I have to overcome is myself, and that doesn't make a difference to anyone but me. I'm such a dark person. I been given so many gifts in life but I hate them all. I have such an easy life, but I don't want it. But I'm never willing to do anything about it. I'm the worst human being. I don't understand why I'm here. I don't know what I suppose to do. and it hurts so much. And I feel like I'm being so whiny and I never intended to say all of this. I wish I wasn't so alone. That I wasn't so cold. But I like being by myself, and my thoughts. Real people or so draining. But I'm no better.
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