My titles are epic. Things of legend! *rants on saracastically about titles*
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So my shoulder randomly decided it hates me and wants me to suffer. I don't know why left shoulder has to be a pansy and cause me pain. Right shoulder isn't acting up! Stupid left shoulder! You're just angry because I lay on you all the time.... But yeah. Myleft shoulder is really sore. It wasn't before but then BAM! it was. So now I have to lay on my back because I figure that'll apease it and it'll go back to normal.
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I've been thinking weird lately. Been all sorts of delusional. Not that I'm not normally a little delusionaly, just lately I've been more delusional than normal....delusional. I think I just like to say delusional, delusional. LOL delusional is a funny looking word.
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Well enough of that. I was thinking about how lately I haven't been hanging out with my parents as much. I mean it's partially my fault for sleeping until three on the weekends, but it's kinda theirs too. My mom has quit being all doting and sympathetic and my dad just goes on about no one having jobs and not doing anything around the house. Argh and it sucks because I'm freaking out all the time and I feel like I have no one to turn to. I can't talk with my "friends" because they are always busy or hanging out with each other and not me. And I can't talk with my parents because they are being really cold and distant. And it makes me upset because on top of all the stress and anxiety I'm feeling about college and just normal everyday things like driving. My parents want me to get a job! BECAUSE I'M NOT FREAKED OUT ENOUGH ALREADY!! I mean I've always been a little socially anxious but it gets worse and worse every year. I'm basically living like a hermit now. If it wasn't for my brothers I'd basically be living alone. And they aren't much company. One is being a grumpy gus, one is a constant bully, and two of them are retarded and fight with each other CONSTANTLY! If they weren't funny I'd be beyond insane right now. I now I'm just being a whiny spoiled brat but still. It's not like I don't want to work because I do! I'm have horrendous people skills (coupled with a general dislike of the public) and am icredibly unskilled. My fears are getting way out of control. It's ruining my life and I feel powerless to stop it. *whines more*
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Can you tell I hate myself when I'm like this? But I'm constantly like this so I've learned to deal with it. People have it way worse right? That just makes me feel incredibly guilty. Here I am whiny about my life when people have it way worse. UGh I'm terrible and a coward and so conceited.
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I keep thinking about what I want to do with my life. Everything I want to do deals with people, and not just like the hang-around-the-office people, but lots of people. I wanted to be a pyschologist but I'm not sure that's a great idea. I don't think I could handle that... I want to be like a linguist or translator or something (because I love languages so much), but I really hate talking even in my own language. Recently I've deluded myself into thinking a career in the film industry would be cool. And not even a director or actress or playright, I would do anything (or so I deludedly think). Like work on sets or heck even just bring the coffee. You gotta start small! But whatever. I'm probably just going to go to college have a complete breakdown and spend the rest of my life mooching off my parents and living my life as a hermit. Or more likely living on the streets dreading waking up each day~ Oh gosh I'm becoming such a debby downer.... I'll stop. HAPPY THOUGHTS!