The names Samantha. Nicknames: Sammi, Sam, Mantha, Sammich. Call me whatever floats your boat. I'm from the Vietnam, babes.
I always care a little bit too much. [...]
I'm a beta reader, so if there's any piece of writing that you want me to proofread before sending off for publication, just shoot me a PM and I'd be happy to help you!
:] <3 If you don't know me, get to know me. You'll have me for life.
Peh, I'm feeling emo 
>.> I'm not gonna do anything, so stop worrying, otay? *mumbles* it's not like I'd be able to get away with anything in this house anyways... I just feel insane right now. Seriously guys, T^T I'm not sane. Do you ever feel like there are a bunch of ants crawling all over you and they're driving you crazy and you just like want to claw at yourself to relieve yourself of the pain? No, I'm not going crazy over something trivial like "GAH I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK I WANT TO DIE!!" It's just this house I'm condemned to live in. It's not the whole oh my parents drive me insane deal. My mom has been seriously sick for like five years and I've had to like take care of her and be the perfect student to make her happy and crap. And I have to be happy all the time to keep other people happy and sometimes...I break down. Today is one of those days. For serial, I'm so sick and tired of people expecting me to be Happy, Merry, Jane.
>.> Looks like I take care of everybody else, but I don't even take care of myself. My emotions are bottling themselves up and they're gonna explode. My two outlets: Talking with a well trusted friend and writing poetry. Problem---I have a trust issue. <.< >.> IMMA SPLODE. Sorry dearies, I'm losing my marbles. Oops, there goes one. *chases after marble* COME BACK!
Sometimes life seems to quiet into paralyzing silence,
Like the moonless dark, meant to make me strong.
Familiar breath of my old lives
Changed the color in my eyes,
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by.
Sorrow lasts through this night,
I'll take this piece of you,
And hold for all eternity.
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me.
Left alone with only reflections of the memory,
To face the ugly girl that's smothering me.
Sitting closer than my pain,
He knew each tear before it came,
Soon he will perforate the fabric of the peaceful by and by.
Sorrow lasts through this night,
I'll take this piece of you,
And hold for all eternity.
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me.
And we kiss each other one more time,
And sing this lie that's halfway mine.
The sword is slicing through the question,
So I won't be fooled by his angel light.
Sorrow lasts through this night,
I'll take this piece of you,
And hold for all eternity.
For just one second I felt whole
As you flew right through me,
And up into the stars.
Joy will come!
Wowza. So my ex is a coward.
Remember that letter ordeal? Turns out he doesn't want me to confront him. He wants me to write another letter.
*screams*
*screams some more*
I can't take this letter shet anymore!!
Phew. So, yeah. All this drama and stuff is making me not want to get back together with him anymore. Friends, maybe. G'bye buster. You're through.
ANYWAYS, so my BGF ((swing partner) has been there for me since this whole entire thing started, and I think I might be getting a little thing from him? I don't know, I was sick yesterday, and I didn't see him on Monday. So today, I came to school and he was like "I didn't see you for like a week!" ((we have no classes together and we don't have the same lunch, just swing, and before school)) and he just gave me a hug. We hug all the time, but you know those hugs that just, idk, seem different? Like he held me tighter than usual and we were swaying back and forth. And it was uber UBER windy here (I live where the winds get up to 90 mph) and there was a fire this morning, so the wind is blowing the smoke EVERYWHERE. I have asthma, peeps. So he just took my face and dug it in his chest and was like "Don't breathe the smoke. I don't want you getting sick. Well, you already are, but still..." then he asked me if I liked his cologne. ^-^ Ahah, silly. But we must've been hugging for ten minutes. It was kinda nice. Something there? Take the risk?
Anyways, enjoy this song by Rainie Yang. I don't know what she's saying, cause I'm not Chinese (well. I'm 1/4 chinese) but still. I like the song.
Ahhhh so I just found a new obsession... Wallpaper making.
And for all you poor, poor people who paid I-don't-know-the-sum amount of money for Photoshop...unfortunately, you have been horribly jaded. The "Gimp" program functions pretty much the same as Photoshop...except it's free. You can trust me, it's not going to give you a virus. It's pretty simple to use--I downloaded it a few hours ago, and I already know a few basics to make some pretty decent wallies.
I researched around, to see if Gimp was worth it before downloading it. Apparently, Gimp is more than sufficient enough for regular, everyday use. Photoshop is better for professional usage. But, heck, I'm not going into graphic design. I'm just using this to make wallies and to edit pics for school!
Click HERE for the Gimp website.
^-^ All this cool Gimp-ness is distracting me from my ex drama. Peh, I'll deal with THAT on Monday. (If you are not up to date about that, read the post BELOW this one.)
I'm gonna go make more wallies now. Bye bye.
</3 </3 </3 </3
[Heartbreak] CHECK
[Tears] CHECK
[Screaming] CHECK
[PSATS] CHECK
SIGH.
Drama.
Drama.
DRAMA.
SO. I wrote my ex a letter last week, asking him what went wrong between us. TURNS out...that my friend who told me that he "cheated" on me, misunderstood. He called those girls "hot". But my friend interpreted that as "I wanna do her." Gursh. I need to talk to her lata. But...he wrote back, and he gave the letter to my friend to give to me yesterday. But you know those situations when you WANT a guy to be an asshole, because you can deal with the hurt? Well...I read the letter....and he was being the sweetest, most understanding guy ever. I HATED that. I finished the letter and burst into tears. [Then I hit my friend on the shoulder and was like "Dammit, I need you now!"> He said that he felt that with school and band, he wouldn't have any time to devote to me, and that I needed more than that. So he pushed me away. But he said that he was still in love with me and that it's really hard for him to ignore me, knowing that he's hurting me. Even it has been four months...feelings as strong as we had for each other can't go away fast, y'know? My feelings have been present for these past few months, even though I hated his guts.
Even if what he did was stupid, the reason WHY he did it...just...gah! Now, I don't know what to do! We haven't spoken face to face for four months. My first impulse [after crying] was to walk up to him, grab him, and just not let go. I was just going to tell him that I didn't care if he didn't have any time for me, I just wanted to be with him. But I was a soppy mess, so I restrained myself. It was... really hard.
At the homecoming football game later that night, I was planning on looking for him and doing that. (He was performing at the game) and so I went to the band section in the bleachers, and he saw me [he looked surprised.] I smiled at him and almost ran up to him to hug him, then some supervisor was like "No, go back." Ugh. -.- It totally ruined the whole romantic spur-of-the-moment thing we had going on. I mean...making up at the homecoming football game. That would've been romantic, no? But I need to talk to him first. I just want things to be okay now. I can't stand this tension anymore.
I just got back from PSATS. Yeah they like torturing us. Four hour test....on a Saturday EARLY morning....on the MORNING of the homecoming dance....the night after a football game that went until ELEVEN pm.
DUMB!
Leona Lewis::Better In Time. It's my song of the mood. Deal wit it.
.......
Warning. This post is PG-13. There is language.
[I Will Kill You!!]
No...strike that, erase it. I feel like killing somebody. My like bestest, sweetest, guy friend EVER got freakin mugged by some dumb ass, stupid, retardo, ASSHOLES! (Not enough words cannot describe those sons of bitches) He came to school today...and his eye looked like blood was coming out of it. It was purple and black and it broke my heart. You know why they mugged him?
.....
.....
[......]
They wanted his damn SIDEKICK! They fuckin followed him from school and stalked him! They cornered him and beat him up for a PHONE. He went to the police with his parents after, and they said it might be gang affiliated. He might have to move! And the popo said that all of his loved ones (friends included. friends like MOI) are at risk from the gang members. They said that if they catch the two guys who did this to him, then the gang will come after US, to hurt HIM.
So if I'm gone for a few days, I might be dead from a knife fight and a gang rape.
.....
I hate this. I hate them with a damn passion. I know you're not supposed to hate, la la la....yeah. Sorry, but I can't say I strongly dislike them--cause that would be lying. Why do bad things happen to good people? Like...of all the people this could've happened to, it happened to the most selfless, sweetest, guy on the planet.
And what else broke my heart?
....
[......]
He told people he fell off his bed and hit his face on a shelf. He's like a shell of his former self now. He was TRYING so hard to be happy and hyper.
Not working.
God, I HATE this.
Gah!
Me and my other friends (who are his friends too) are gonna make a gang....just to beat up the other gang....
jk.
No we'd die.
but for serial....
I wish I could come face to them so I could say,
[.................]
"What the hell is wrong with you?! Were you dropped on your head as a baby?!"
Then they'd probably gang rape me then kill me. O_o
Have a good day...
cause I am fer sure, NOT.
