</3 </3 </3 </3
[Heartbreak] CHECK
[Tears] CHECK
[Screaming] CHECK
[PSATS] CHECK
SIGH.
Drama.
Drama.
DRAMA.
SO. I wrote my ex a letter last week, asking him what went wrong between us. TURNS out...that my friend who told me that he "cheated" on me, misunderstood. He called those girls "hot". But my friend interpreted that as "I wanna do her." Gursh. I need to talk to her lata. But...he wrote back, and he gave the letter to my friend to give to me yesterday. But you know those situations when you WANT a guy to be an asshole, because you can deal with the hurt? Well...I read the letter....and he was being the sweetest, most understanding guy ever. I HATED that. I finished the letter and burst into tears. [Then I hit my friend on the shoulder and was like "Dammit, I need you now!"> He said that he felt that with school and band, he wouldn't have any time to devote to me, and that I needed more than that. So he pushed me away. But he said that he was still in love with me and that it's really hard for him to ignore me, knowing that he's hurting me. Even it has been four months...feelings as strong as we had for each other can't go away fast, y'know? My feelings have been present for these past few months, even though I hated his guts.
Even if what he did was stupid, the reason WHY he did it...just...gah! Now, I don't know what to do! We haven't spoken face to face for four months. My first impulse [after crying] was to walk up to him, grab him, and just not let go. I was just going to tell him that I didn't care if he didn't have any time for me, I just wanted to be with him. But I was a soppy mess, so I restrained myself. It was... really hard.
At the homecoming football game later that night, I was planning on looking for him and doing that. (He was performing at the game) and so I went to the band section in the bleachers, and he saw me [he looked surprised.] I smiled at him and almost ran up to him to hug him, then some supervisor was like "No, go back." Ugh. -.- It totally ruined the whole romantic spur-of-the-moment thing we had going on. I mean...making up at the homecoming football game. That would've been romantic, no? But I need to talk to him first. I just want things to be okay now. I can't stand this tension anymore.
I just got back from PSATS. Yeah they like torturing us. Four hour test....on a Saturday EARLY morning....on the MORNING of the homecoming dance....the night after a football game that went until ELEVEN pm.
DUMB!
Leona Lewis::Better In Time. It's my song of the mood. Deal wit it.
