Life Lessonz
*Sasuke and Kinano are sitting on a bench. It’s after the time-skip and Sasuke asks a weird question out of the blue.*
Sasuke: So how long do you think it’ll take for the stork to come after we’re married?
Kinano: *blinks* Pardon?
Sasuke: You know, the stork…babies?
Kinano: You have got to be kidding me.
Sasuke: What? You don’t want kids?
Kinano:…*blink*…you really have no clue where babies come from do you?
Sasuke:*Totally innocent look*…Um…Stork?
Kinano:*Sigh* Okay, here we go. Well, when two people love each other-
*20 Minutes Later*
Sasuke:*Screaming and writhing on the ground* EVERYTHING I EVER KNEW WAS A LIE!!! I THOUGHT I COULD TRUST BIRDS!!! THE PICKLE-MAN IS SLEEPING IN MY NOSE!!!
Kinano: Um…Sasuke?
Sasuke: BEARS IN TUTUS!!!
Kinano: That’s it, he’s cracked. *Slaps* GET AHOLD OF YOURSELF MAN!
Sasuke: *whimpering in the fetal position and rocking back and forth*
Kinano: *hug* Shhh, it’s okay. Gawds, I wish your life didn’t mess you up so much.
Sasuke: So you’ll explain anything to me?
Kinano: Um…I guess so.
Sasuke: Okay then, what’s the definition of “jack off”? I hear Kadee use the term a lot, especially when talking about Naruto.
Kinano: Ummm…*takes to Kadee* I think you should get the definition from the expert. Kadee, Sasuke has a question for you.
Kadee: What is it?
Sasuke: What’s the definition of “jack off”?
Kadee: Um…*takes to Naruto* I think you need a guy for this.
Naruto: *hears question and gets mischievous glint in eye* It’s written on the back of my closet…go check it out.
*Sasuke innocently goes to check…Naruto jumps in and locks door. Man-screams emminate from within*
Naruto: What’s a better way then having a demonstration!
Sasuke: *Screaming, clawing noises come from the other side of the door*
Naruto: Don’t scream little boy! It’ll all be okay!
Sasuke: *Screaming even louder* LEARNING IS PAINFUL!!!
Kinano: Kadee! Get out of the way! Get away from the door!
Kadee: What? He asked! He’s got to learn sooner or later! He needs experience! Put some hairs on his chest!
Kinano: I DON’T WANT HAIRS ON HIS CHEST!!!
Sasuke: I LIKE MY PANTS!!! GIVE THEM BACK!!!
Naruto: *laughs maniacally*
Sasuke: Hey…what’s the rope for?
*Man screams while Kinano and Kadee are still arguing*
Kinano: YOU SHOULD BE UPSET TOO! YOUR FIANCE IS PRACTICALLY RAPING MINE!!!
Kadee: Well sometimes he just needs to get it out of his system!
Sasuke: GIVE ME BACK MY UNDERPANTS!!!
Naruto: What do you need them for?
Sasuke: AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!THONG!!!!!!!!!
Naruto: Don’t be afraid! Just give in!
Sasuke: I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY FRIEND!!!
Naruto: This is what friends are for! Besides, if you cant lose your virginity to your best friend who can you lose it with?
Sasuke: HOW ABOUT A GIRL?????????
*Sounds of things falling, muffled man-screams, and sobbing*
Naruto: okay…I think your good…no wait a second!
*More screams*
Kinano: Kinano help, stop, I am in pain, stop, I am scarred for life, stop…
Kadee: I didn’t know you knew Morse code.
Kinano: I don’t, whatever made you think that?
*Screams stop abruptly*
Kadee: the screams stopped.
Kinano: I think they’re dead.
*Door slams open and Sasuke falls out and onto the ground, kissing the floor*
Sasuke: I’M ALIVE! THE AIR! THE GROUND! I CAN SEE THE SUN!
Kadee: Don’t go for the light.
Naruto: *slyly hands Kadee money without anyone noticing with contented look on face and holding Sasuke‘s pants*
Kadee: Having fun there?
Naruto: Yes.*Runs off holding Sasuke’s pants as a trophy)
Sasuke: *Grovel* I WILL NEVER QUESTION YOU AGAIN O DIVINE ONE!!! *hug* JUST MAKE IT STOP!!!
Naruto: *watching intently from the bushes*
Sasuke: *Buries head in Kinano’s chest aka boobs and sobs* JUST MAKE THE BAD MAN GO AWAY!!!
Kinano: *Obviously uncomfortable and pats Sasuke’s head, then turns to Kadee* We’ll talk later.
Kadee: *Gulp…turns to Naruto* Come on, we’re going to Cancun…um…why are you both pant-less if only on of you needed to be?
Naruto: *looking too content* I helped him with another life lesson.
*After getting another pair of pants*
Kinano: So…if you didn’t know then…what exactly did you expect to happen on the honeymoon?
Sasuke: Um…Scrabble?