Hey everyone...geez I am really not liking how fate has been set up for me this month. In fact, this is probably the worst month I have ever had in my life so far, and I just hope it doesn't get any worse. I've already had to deal with one death in my family...

*sigh* Well guess what.
My grandma on my dad's side just passed away this morning...

I don't know if I've told you all already, but my grandma on my mom's side was sick with Stage 4 stomach cancer. My grandma on my dad's side was sick with liver AND lung cancer(after it metasticized to her lung).
My mom didn't want to tell me about her passing before my exam because she didn't want it to affect my test-taking, but oh my word. It was so sudden and so soon.
I don't want to say I hate it, but I really wish fate was set up a different way for me this month. Really, why THIS time. Time is moving just too fast for me, it goes by like a total blur and then BAM the next moment both of my grandmothers are dead within 2 weeks of each other.
My grandma on my dad's side was in SUCH pain..if you knew how complicated the situation was, it would make more sense to you all, but I don't want to go on with the technical elements. Let's just say that she was in so much pain that it was affecting her ability to get treatment and well, her heart just stopped pumping.

My word. I have absolutely no idea what to think. I'm just stunned. My father is in MASSIVE depression right now and I can't do anything...I even heard that her funeral service didn't go well either because some random guests from a nearby university just randomly showed up and ruined the whole thing. Incredibly disrespectful...and although my dad's siblings showed up, none of them even came to visit my grandma(their mother) while she was ill the hospital! I think it was absolutely inconsiderate for them not to even find time to stop by when even my mom's side of the family stopped by to see her before her passing.

I just really wish I could have been there. I really really don't know what the heck I am doing in America away from my relatives in Korea sometimes, especally during times like these.
On my dad's birthday, April 25th, my sister and I filmed a video for him and our grandma on our dad's side, and I said a little bit of Korean here and there. My dad told me that my grandma said that I had grown so much and gotten so much prettier since she last saw me and she said she wanted to see me so much. And I almost cried when I heard that because for much of this time, she was the main person that criticized me for my inability to speak Korean well..and to hear her say that and not be able to see her. It just broke my heart to pieces.

I still haven't cried yet. Time is just moving too fast.