Hello there all of you! I trust you're doing well? ^^
I want to thank all of you that commented on my last post because that was honestly the most distressed I've ever been in my life. I think I've only told maybe 2 of you the whole situation in full, but since I feel awful for writing long posts that make you guys worry about me haha, I promise this will hopefully be the last of these super long posts.
So I had to leave for America 2 days after that incident. I was up late the night before I left, not because I didn't feel like sleeping, but I felt like if I left, I'd be leaving a heck of a lot more than just Korea behind for a while. While as much as I hate to admit the fact that my dad CAN be selfish at times, he IS my dad and I love and care about him no matter what he thinks.
That night, I was up reading all of you guys's comments on my last post and posts before and I was reminding myself about the things you all said and to the suggestion of some of my dear friends(thank you Innocent-chan and Pudding-chan!<3), I decided that if he was going to misunderstand the things I said if I just said them, then it'd probably be in my best interest to write them out in a letter. That way, there can't a whole "I said this" and "No, that's not what you said" etc etc.
It was really really tough to write a letter explaining all of my feelings, rereading everything I wrote to make sure it couldn't be interpreted wrongly, but luckily my dad was already asleep as I planned so he didn't know I wrote it. I gave him the letter the next morning right before I got on the bus to the airport(he didn't come with us), and the last thing he told me before I got on was "When you get back to America, start being nice." =/
But still I was hoping my letter would work. Because before that my dad told me that because he believed I didn't care, he would have no reason, nor would he want to, see me again.
The flights went by faster than usual this time and I finally met up with my sister and my neighbor(who passed away)'s wife at the airport and they drove us home.
Then my sister told me that my father read my letter, gave her a phone call 2 hours after receiving it, and...
He said he wanted to come back to the States in 2 weeks!!
And furthermore, she said that the main reason he wanted to come back was to make amends, and work it out for good.
You should have seen the look on my face. I know sometimes people need to be skeptical...and I wonder how I can't be after the many times my dad and I have had arguments over academics and my/his feelings, but perhaps it's just because I believe in people too much? Not to say I'm not cautious but...I guess I like giving chances because I know that if I were in their shoes, I'd also want a second chance at something.
So I guess it's safe to say that things are back to normal for now...talking to my dad on the phone as often as possible and nothing awkward for the moment, but it's sort of a waiting game, and I'm sure, even if it's not super soon, it'll all end well and there will one day be a day where we understand each other!
Thank you all sooo sooo much!! I have something I owe to you all that I've been working on for a while...and I'm hoping for the day when I'm relieved of super hard work so I can finish it and show it to you guys! I love you all so much and I honestly mean it when I say I don't know what I would have done had it not been for all of you. I cried so hard when I read all of your comments and it wasn't out of sadness, but really out of happiness, and that was the first time I've ever cried out of sheer joy. Even if you didn't comment, I got PMs, numerous dedications, and messages on MSN that just gave me so much comfort. In all of the things I received I could feel all of your hearts and souls with me and that just made me want to become stronger and get through it and do my best as I normally do! So THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!<33333333333 Take care of yourselves and I love you all with all my heart and more!
Replies to comments are below by the way~ for those that didn't comment before, feel free to skip xD
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To Sam-kun and Innocent-chan: You were the two I talked to probably in full about this(as I'm sure you guys know xD). And more than anything I've got to thank you two for listening to me. There are honestly no words to express the gratitude I have for having you in my life, even if I've never seen either of you! I can feel both of you with me all the time, and even little things like looking outside at the sunshine and opening a book remind me of you two, and I just feel so happy. I love you both sooo much, don't ever forget that! Thank you so very much to you both! You are TRULY amazing people and never think otherwise because I know you two are going to create something even greater and more wonderful someday!
To Cherri-chan: Hands down you're certainly one of my closest friends. As all of you are but there is something about you that I've really admired and it most definitely is your resilience. You may be straight forward, and as you told me, not much of an advice-giver or talker but you certainly listen and that too is a wonderful skill that many people in this world lack. Everytime something happens you're one of the first people to message me or say to call and it's a great feeling to know I have someone like you in my life!
They do use the guilty card, yes, but I do know I'm not perfect and I can be at fault. However thanks to you, I also know that because I'm not perfect, I can't do anything and everything they demand and ask me to do, and that's a great thing because who would want to be a servant to their parents at the cost of losing themselves? I love you so so much too and to hear you tell me those wonderful things is something I wouldn't give up for the world. So thank you!!<3
To Truly-chan: I told you in your guestbook about how I felt but I'm definitely not afraid to repeat myself again. You are extremely straightforward and really courageous and I've always loved that about you and am more than happy to have someone so strong beside me! Although it may be as simple as you saying "Stop listening to people that put you down!", it's a whole new kind of advice that many people in this world don't give because they are afraid of being so direct with expressing their thoughts. It's wonderful that you're able to do this because your words serve also to snap me back into reality like no one else's and I want to thank you so so much for that! You're always so strong despite all that's happened and in many ways I also wish I could be like you in that way! I love you so much girly, you have no idea how grateful I am for having you as a friend<3
To Pudding-chan: We haven't talked much as of late but I'm willing to be the one to change that! I miss talking to you very much and having your humor light up my day! But in any case, I've got some things to say to you.
You are an INCREDIBLE daughter, and heck if I were a parent, I'd want to have a daughter as fun and outgoing as you are! You may be a little different in real life, but hey, I think we all are to some degree =P I still know that you've got that lively and strong person inside you and I don't have to know you in real life to say that because I can see it even on here ^^
I did buy that book as soon as I got back last week on Wednesday at Borders(I had to go with my sister though...my mother would have been like wth xD), and although I haven't read it yet because of the incredible amount of schoolwork I can't wait to start reading it! And if you were the one to suggest it, I have the utmost confidence that it must be an incredible read. =) Thank you for being there for me Pudding-chan, I love you so so much!
To SaxGirl-chan: In the end...actually no, even in the beginning, I won't let you down either SaxGirl-chan! And when I read your comment, I could just feel your enthusiasm and it made me want to cheer up and be stronger too. You're just one big bucket of sunshine and I, and so many other people know it!! We don't talk as much as we used to but I guess that's partly my fault for not being pro-active and just sitting here working OTL. In any case, there's no excuse for my being able to change that, and I certainly will! You're bright and cheerful and I love that I have you as my friend for that because it brightens my day so much to see how happy you are all the time ^^ You're such a wonderful person SaxGirl-chan and don't worry, I'm always here for you too! Thank you so so much!
To Mizu-chan: To hear you say that you wanted to hug me physically in real life... that made me cry even harder than I already was. The entire time I was in that fight, I kept thinking about all of you wish you guys were there so I wouldn't have to deal with it alone but then I remembered that you guys really ARE there, I was just too busy being sad and upset to remember at times. I talked intensely about how hard I worked to be there for and satisfy my parents in that letter and while I did I really thought of you and it brought me SO much comfort thinking about you being there to give me a hug when my sister couldn't be. =) Thank you so so much for being there for me Mizu-chan!!
To Kris-chan: A serious discussion it was indeed...although a letter is one-sided, it at least presents my thoughts fully without being misinterpreted by "that's not what you said" etc etc. You were so so right- maybe it is because they don't understand in full and maybe it's also because I don't understand them in full either, but you know that's what a heart-to-heart talk is for, and I'm so glad you brought that up to give me courage for the discussion we will have when he comes to see me here in the States. And yes, even though we haven't known each other for a long time, I love you very much as a wonderful friend of mine and I'm sooo grateful Sophia-chan introduced me to you. I'm sorry I didn't tell you the whole story..I really do owe it to you for being so so incredibly sweet to me and being there for me all at once. Thank you so much for everything<33
To Sayoko-chan: When I reflected on it, I could definitely see why you'd think that my parents themselves are being selfish and not caring about my feelings, but I also remembered that I'm not perfect either. I'm not sure yet if I believe in God or not...in fact, I don't even know what my beliefs are totally yet, but I do know that the possibility of him existing is always there, because look at what I've been blessed with! We make ourselves and our futures but there must have been some place where it began, and maybe he is the place. =) You're absolutely right, we've been given our own talents and abilities and it's up to us to use it to our full potential, not anyone else.
You told me that you were really afraid that one day I'd just snap and/or totally forget who I am...but because I have such caring, selfless, wonderful friends like you, I won't ever forget where I'm going with my life. I'm on a journey to find out where I'm going, and it's going to be one heck of an adventure, and I'm so glad I've got you to come with me along the way ^^ I love you very very much Sayoko-chan, and don't you forget it.
To Angel-kun: You're right, they work hard themselves and that could be a reason that they push me so hard...I've thought about that and I've always told myself that if I could work to make them happy, it'd relieve that pressure but in the end, they don't see it. But I know there will be a day that they will, so thank you so so much for encouraging me ^^ You too are a very caring, and incredibly generous person and everyone knows it<3 You take time to try and comment even when you yourself are so busy and I can tell because we often give each other such detailed comments haha, you're very dedicated. Thank you so much for your kind words Angel-kun, you're a truly amazing friend.
