Blog Entry #57

Today, it started out as a normal day... just, a normal Saturday for me, and I was pretty happy... But then my brother comes in and he's crying, his girlfriend and nephew right behind him, and he hugged my mom like he never was going to see her again, and that's not far from the truth... My mom went upstairs with him, and came back down to tell me that my brother was leaving for a very long time, people are looking for him to arrest him and he doesn't want to get caught so he can take care of his son... I don't like my brother very much, or that I DIDN'T like him very much, and now I can't stop crying... I love my brother, I really do, no matter the shit he did to me when I was little, but when he said goodbye to me... I just couldn't hate him anymore...

I promised him, I wouldn't screw up, that I'd go to college, that I wouldn't make the same mistakes that he did... and that I'd love him no matter what. And he finally apologized to me for not being here when I grew up, that he was sorry for putting me through so much, and that he loves me and that he'll always be there for me... and that he wanted me to know that this time it wasn't his fault, and that he'd be back soon... he better call me when he settles down... I love that big tattooed lug... he's my big brother, and I don't know what I'm going to do without him... He's always been here, always been able to come to us if he needed help... but now he's too far away... I'm not going to see him for a very long time, and... I'm just a wreck... I love you Anthony...

Heartbroken Little Sister

Blog Entry #56

Hey guys! Today's my birthday! ^^ I'm 16! Or, in French terms, I'm on my 17th year! ^^ *Laughs* I just wanted to thank everyone for their presents and comments, there was just too many for me to respond to all of them, so this will just have to do I guess right? *Smiles* Also thanks for the dedications! For Naruto's contest or otherwise! You guys are so nice! Here's a few Naruto AMV's that I thought were really fantastic!

Hope you enjoy! The first one is my favourite ^^

Freedom

Blog Entry #55

Okay... Grimmjow saw the picture and I'm as good as dead... he's already shot a Cero at me. >.< So... I'm going to be staying at a certain other Hosts' place until Grimmjow cools down... (I'm going to die) And once he figures out that I'm not at his place anymore he's going to flip even more... and if he figures out WHOSE place I'm staying at, he'll kill my reincarnation. >.< So I'm screwed either way! At least... Never mind xD (NO SMILING YOU'RE GOING TO DIE DAMMIT!) Maybe he'll go easy on me since I broke my finger! *Prays to... whatever's up there that he'll be merciful today >.<* I doubt it... but I can hope now can't I?! (Dammit no I can't) I'm going to miss you all! >.< Actually... DAMMIT! HE'S NOT GOING TO KILL ME! I WON'T LET HIM! *Punches wall* OW OW OW! BROKEN FINGER! >.@ I'll talk to you guys later ^^

Blog Entry #54

Please read this, maybe you'll understand the way I am but... you guys don't have to comment on it unless you really want to respond to it, or you deeply want to bitch me out... but I'm just getting this out there in the world.

I don't like being controlled, I don't like being told what to do, I don't like being kept from my dreams. I'm a free thinker, I learn on my own and hate relying on others to get tasks done. You offer me help, I'll gladly shove it away, I'll do it on my own. I've got a ton of pride and dreams that won't be faltered. People who try and tell me what to do mind me cold and secluded since I don't want to rip their heads off, I do what I want. I don't do well in school, I'd rather learn the things they teach on my own than have to be lectured for five hours. My soul is expressed in my drawings and music since that's the only place in my life where people don't try and tell me what to do. I make my drawings whatever I want them to be, sure they might not look so good, but no one is around to judge them. It's the prefect ending to my shitty days.

Same can be said for me in a relationship, I never stick around long enough for it to go anywhere. The longest I've stayed with a guy is about a month, and the least being about... 2 hours. When I'm dating, I feel so obliged to be faithful to them, which again is like wrapping chain around my neck and suffocating me. The constant texts, the always walking me from class to class, walking me home, it may seem sweet but it sickens me! *Shivers* I don't think I've ever liked a guy the way they like me, some even drool over me, stalk me, imagine things they want to do to me... but I can never return those feelings, only a simple hug. That's why I've only kissed one guy, and held hands with only, one guy, different guy too... The kiss, was my only kiss, light, and I don't even remember... the guy stalked me for three days after that and I finally told him to shut the fuck up. He was devastated, since he dumped his previous girlfriend to be with me, but I... I didn't care! Dating to me is just another word for LEASH. I'm a flirt, I can't promise any guy that I date that I'll have eyes for only him...

I'm like the wind, I go where I want, I do what I want, and if you try and control me, I lash out. But in a different sense, I'm also a woman who would stomp on your heart, not knowing she'd done anything, and walk away from you without a single word of goodbye. I don't know what it is about me that people latch onto, if it's my looks or my personality I'll never know, it's a mystery I'll never get solved, at least I don't think I ever will. I'm just laid back, let things happen as they will, and kick people out of my life who don't mean shit. *Sighs* I've been dying to get this off of my chest for months.

Free as the wind.

Blog Entry #53

I'm still alive, ^^ Lol, I'm guessing either he didn't mind, or just didn't bother looking... (Jerk) But... I just got done making the most scrumptous batch of cookies ever! My own personal recipe, and I love it more and more each time! >.< *Is going to dream about cookies tonight* They honestly are the best cookies I've ever tasted... and my friends agree too! I'm guessing I have some culinary skill, nice I burned some cookies awhile ago and they STILL tasted good xD *Is slightly conceited, I know*

And I've also been reading this series of books called, "Lord of the Underworld" it's not about Vampires, or Werewolves, but it's about Demons that are imprisoned in the bodies of man, tearing them apart in their minds. If you like Greek Mythology, and aren't too disturbed by extremely detailed sex scenes, then you'll probably like it! But if you do get them, the books go in this order, *clears throat* Red, Blue, Yellow, Purple. There is said to be more coming out, so I can't tell you about those >.< Lol. They're really good books, I've finished the first two in two days xD and I will finish the third one tonight dammit! If it kills me! *Stabs herself* Bleeeeeeeh.

*Giggles* Message me people! I'm up for some conversation xD But not if you're boring... LOL.

Onyx