For some reason...
I want to scream.
I want to run.
I want to cry...
It seems, the more I try and smile, the more I feel like I'm dying inside. I've started shutting down it feels. I'll come home from school, and just completely shut down. I don't know if it's the drama at school, the fact that I'm becoming depressed, or that maybe I'm changing. Who knows really. The only time I'm really alive is at school, because that's what everyone expects from me... a hyperactive girl who doesn't stop smiling or talking. If I could I'd like to leave it all behind. I really would. Just pack it all up and get out of here.
I know this seems depressing and everything... I just want freedom. To stop being held to the ground, I'm like the wind. I'm happier when I'm free. I start feeling suffocated if I can't feel that breeze. And slowly it feels if my wind is disappearing... and a stillness is encroaching on my soul... causing me to feel this tight pain in my chest.
Who knows if I'll ever truly smile again... but... this phase seems so much more real... and painful then the last few... and it has lasted by far the longest...
