Again I'm just done.
I'm tired of trying to make other people happy. I'm tired of trying to make everyone happy!
I thought I'd be useful and leave a host so he could focus on all the other fans he had, and so I could get my mind straight... and he blew up on me. I'm so fucking sick of this! I'm not sensoring it since this is my fucking post and I'm pissed.
You want to know what's going on in my life?
I'm a fucking mess. Alright? These fucking meds are messing with my head, making me miserable, bipolar, and just overall fucking unhappy. So you want to help me? Stop it... I'm so goddamn fucking tired of this shit! Alright?! Would you fucking ask questions before you start accusing me of doing shit when it's the exact opposite of what you're thinking... These meds, I don't want to be fucking on them! I'm scared of myself alright?! I don't know who I'm going to snap at, I don't know what my body's going to do, I don't know anything anymore!
My whole world is turning the fuck upside down... and you're saying that you were trying to give me space and that what's going on in my life doesn't give me reason to do what I'm doing, well... what you just did... I'm fucking done alright?! I know I shouldn't be doing what I've been doing but I don't know what else to fucking do! Alright?! I'm young, I'm naive, I don't know how to fucking cope. I bitch, I moan, I do shitless crap.
And now I'm blowing up on myself. I'm realizing how much I fucking hurt people, on complete accident, how I try to do something to help other people and things are worse off than before. I'm remembering ever fault, every goddamn cut, every memory... and wondering why the fuck I'm still alive. I just should've died then, and I'm betting you everyone would've been so much better. I wouldn't have hurt them, I wouldn't have even met them! If I died that day... think of how your life would've been without me. You wouldn't have gotten hurt, you wouldn't have screwed up my words, you would be off having a blast.
Hardly Living
