Please read this, maybe you'll understand the way I am but... you guys don't have to comment on it unless you really want to respond to it, or you deeply want to bitch me out... but I'm just getting this out there in the world.
I don't like being controlled, I don't like being told what to do, I don't like being kept from my dreams. I'm a free thinker, I learn on my own and hate relying on others to get tasks done. You offer me help, I'll gladly shove it away, I'll do it on my own. I've got a ton of pride and dreams that won't be faltered. People who try and tell me what to do mind me cold and secluded since I don't want to rip their heads off, I do what I want. I don't do well in school, I'd rather learn the things they teach on my own than have to be lectured for five hours. My soul is expressed in my drawings and music since that's the only place in my life where people don't try and tell me what to do. I make my drawings whatever I want them to be, sure they might not look so good, but no one is around to judge them. It's the prefect ending to my shitty days.
Same can be said for me in a relationship, I never stick around long enough for it to go anywhere. The longest I've stayed with a guy is about a month, and the least being about... 2 hours. When I'm dating, I feel so obliged to be faithful to them, which again is like wrapping chain around my neck and suffocating me. The constant texts, the always walking me from class to class, walking me home, it may seem sweet but it sickens me! *Shivers* I don't think I've ever liked a guy the way they like me, some even drool over me, stalk me, imagine things they want to do to me... but I can never return those feelings, only a simple hug. That's why I've only kissed one guy, and held hands with only, one guy, different guy too... The kiss, was my only kiss, light, and I don't even remember... the guy stalked me for three days after that and I finally told him to shut the fuck up. He was devastated, since he dumped his previous girlfriend to be with me, but I... I didn't care! Dating to me is just another word for LEASH. I'm a flirt, I can't promise any guy that I date that I'll have eyes for only him...
I'm like the wind, I go where I want, I do what I want, and if you try and control me, I lash out. But in a different sense, I'm also a woman who would stomp on your heart, not knowing she'd done anything, and walk away from you without a single word of goodbye. I don't know what it is about me that people latch onto, if it's my looks or my personality I'll never know, it's a mystery I'll never get solved, at least I don't think I ever will. I'm just laid back, let things happen as they will, and kick people out of my life who don't mean shit. *Sighs* I've been dying to get this off of my chest for months.
Free as the wind.
