hello everyone. its early morning and i must post something since this has been on my mind for awhile now.
my day yesterday was okay. i didnt know what to do in the morning, except watch my avatar the last airbender dvds. i think im on episode 16 now and i really like the series. even if its a nicktoons show, the storytelling is really good. although i have some complaints here and there, overall, its very good.
after that, my sister decided to cook us crabs since the local korean market lowered the prices for that week. even though the crabs were cheap, they were big and were loaded with the fat, which supposedly is the really good stuff. i dont like it though. the meat is the best part no matter what you say, haha. what i really want to try out is a king crab (in whole).
after that, i had to rush to work because i was late from eating crabs. i only ate two, although i wanted more, haha. work on saturdays is really stressful because i work with this annoying guy alongside this girl, who i kinda like, yet don't at the same time. i liked her, but for some reason, my feelings for her are going down.
we used to text each other a bit, but then that slowed down. i want to win her friendship back, but i seriously don't know what's going on. at work on saturday, we always have these moments where its really quiet. i really want to say something, but i dont know what to say. despite me being mentally changed by things such as meeting my friend's friend, im still extremely fucking introverted when it comes to girls.
i left work quickly because i hated it. i hated that feeling i kept getting on that day. it just didn't feel right.
i took a long drive back home. our power went out last night and a small portion of my town had no electricity.
i went home and listened to this rachael yamagata cd my cousins gave to me. i hate love songs, but this is different and good. there was this track called elephants, which had strong lyrics and a string arrangement that just forced tears out of my eyes. i hate going back to these saturday moments with her (it might just be all in my mind).
i dont want to focus what im not good at either. i dont want to think about my past failures.
i wished i knew what to do. she's still in my heart, even though i sometimes wished she wasn't.
"So for those of you falling in love, keep it kind, keep it good, keep it right.
Throw yourself in the midst of danger, but keep one eye open at night."
i will try to live by those words.
so i see her again later today. i havent worked on sundays with her in awhile. i dont know what will happen.
i just know that i have the ability to take things in my own hands.
