So a couple of weeks back I posted about being contacted by a debt collection agency. Yesterday they sent a letter to me including some documents regarding the actual source of the debt ... and, wow, there were so many holes in it that I could not help but laugh. Apparently way back in 2006 (you know, when I was in college and had no job, no driver's license, no credit history and barely any money in my back account!) I managed to rent an apartment for a few months, despite the fact that I had lived in the same home for 16 years at that point! Wow! I sure sound like a landlord's dream! WTF kind of shady, desperate landlord would have accepted a bum like me?? Ridiculous.
Last time I also mentioned that my middle initial was fudged in the letter. One or even two times it could have been written off as a typo, but the incorrect initial is also plastered all over the legal documents, which suggests to me that 1) A person by this name really does exist; 2) Everyone involved in this is a complete incompetent who cannot do a background check; or 3) They all think I am not only a lying scumbag but also a total idiot whose idea of a clever disguise is to change my middle initial and call it a day.
The kicker is that the documents also detail how I was personally served with court summons by a court official at the property listed in the debt documents -- which is, you know, impossible considering I have never stepped foot in that place in my life. So that means someone working for the L.A. County court system "saw" me and summoned me to court. I guess it's too much to hope that someone will be able to look at my picture and say, "Wait a minute, that isn't the person we summoned! Boy, are we fucking morons!"
I'm seriously trying to wrap my mind around how it was decided that I am the one responsible for this debt. Did they just see someone with a similar name and decide, "He's the one!"?? Did they think some punk kid was able to pull this off as a prank?? This whole situation just boggles my mind.
I took the time this morning to write another letter detailing all the problems with the debt charge and telling the agency in the most polite, legal terms possible to fuck off and cram the debt up their asses. Hopefully this won't progress to the point where I need a lawyer, which is the only thing about this ordeal that makes me nervous at all, because I can't really afford that -- you know, sort of like how I can't afford an apartment! -- but a part of me thinks it might be worth it if everyone walked into court one day and the landlord saw me for the first time and exclaimed, "Wait, that's not the guy!" and everyone with the debt agency felt like complete assholes for wasting everyone's time and sheepishly paid for my legal fees.
Oi.
