Dear Comrade,
You haven't been to any meetings lately, and you haven't been in touch. What's been going on?
We are quite lonely without you around. You always were a difficult member of the group. I remember when I approached you before your final stint with us last year; you could not recall a single thing about our glorious order. And you were a leader! A wondrous, spectacular leader! I was crushed, though I tried my best not to show it. This was a difficult task, as you may be able to imagine.
But when you slandered our beliefs and rituals, I could not hold in my anger. I said things I should not have said. (I will never live down the shame of befouling your name.) For this, I apologize. You must understand, it is not easy to bear rejection from someone whom you have admired your entire life. I shouted. I despaired. I regret what I did; however, I would like to make amends.
You were frightened when last I saw you, but I believe that, deep within your heart, you were actually thrilled by what you experienced. You faced your greatest fears and lived to tell the tale. (Do not worry -- we have expelled all women from the base, and there is no trace of those disgusting plants.) You even underwent a transformation that all men of valor seek. Unfortunately, I have only rumors and hearsay to go upon regarding your adventures after your escape. I hear pirates were involved. Is this true? Do not answer this if you do not wish to -- it is of no consequence.
I do not doubt that you have a strong attachment to your current situation. It is every man's dream to contribute to society and lead the younger generation to prosperity. (A man such as yourself must love children so very much!) Still, I must respectfully ask you to reconsider your position and join us once again. After all, man is not complete unless he has spirituality to go along with his reason and emotions.
Please do not continue along the path of the infidel. Your last experience surely must have taught you that we are everywhere. You cannot run from us; you cannot escape us. If you come willingly, you will be embraced. If you force a struggle, we will have no choice but to punish you again, because we love you.
Make the correct decision.
Sincerely,
A Concerned Member
If you are a fan of the show, then you have probably guessed that I wrote to Nozomu Itoshiki -- specifically the Nozomu from ep1 of Zoku Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei. I wrote this letter from the perspective of the black-suited HAMASHO agent who approaches Nozomu in the beginning of the episode.
