Man, dodgeball can be pretty tiring. And I have the pictures to prove it! (Not really, but there are pictures, all of which are conveniently located at the bottom of the post after the big wall of text.)
So. Dodgeball tournament was pretty awesome. The whole thing was even more awesome because I managed to swing a day off from my internship (though it wasn't just so I could squeeze in more dodgeball, of course *wink wink, nudge nudge*). I was excited to play but also a bit nervous, because the last time I touched a dodgeball, much less played with one, was in elementary school. Would I be rusty? Would I be beaten mercilessly by jocks who had not grown past their days as vicious bullies? One could only wonder ...
Before all that, though, we had to recruit. Our dodgeball team was mainly made up of my fellow editors on the school paper, though we also convinced one of our writers and one of our photographers to join the fun. Then came the name. Our captain, Casey, came up with the name: Poly Post Punishers (or P3 for short). Right when we adopted that name, I knew we were destined for greatness. You can't have a name that fantastic and fuck things up. It's impossible.
The other sign that the Poly Post Punishers were destined for greatness? Two words - costume contest. Megan told me the other day that it is pretty much a requirement to dress ridiculously for dodgeball. Not much later, as if it were a message from the Lord (if the Lord were interested in a bunch of goofballs dressing like idiots, which he actually might be - ever looked at His disciples? Yikes), we received word that along with the dodgeball portion of the tournament, there would be a costume contest for the team with the best costumes. Um, yes please. Not only do they ask a bunch of bored college students to play dodgeball for a few hours, but they also ask them to dress in absurd costumes. The people who put this tournament together are quite smart.
Our assistant editor, Celeste, came up with the idea that we should all dress like Paulie Bleeker from Juno. We all agreed that this was the perfect idea. Is there a more appropriate costume for dodgeball? Of course not. Unfortunately (or, perhaps, "fortunately" might be a better word), I hit a couple of snags with my costume.
1) I don't own even one pair of shorts as short as Paulie Bleeker's shorts. (I'm pretty sure a state of emergency would be declared if I tried to wear those.)
2) NO HEADBAND :( This killed me. I wanted a nice headband, but I couldn't find one in any of the shops near my home. Is it too much to ask to be able to find a kickass green headband wherever you go? Is it really? When we achieve that, then we will have achieved the highest to which humankind can aspire.
Anyway, my costume was less elaborate than I would have liked. I had high tube socks, green basketball shorts (above the knee but not really too short - like NBA size), my gray Simpsons shirt, a couple of wristbands (including the awesome 1Up Mushroom wristband Megan gave me a few years ago), and some white tape on my middle fingers with "P" and "3" written on them (just in case some douchebag needed to know who we were). Oh, and I didn't wear this during any of the games, but earlier in the week we all received Poly Post jackets, and we all wore those on the way to and from the tournament.
After we were dressed up, and all the staff writers whose stories we were editing were sufficiently horrified, we left en masse to the gym all the way on the other side of the campus. We decided it wasn't enough to simply walk there together - we had to announce our arrival to anyone within a 100-yard radius. Our news editor, Dan, carried a stereo blaring out songs from a mix CD he'd made just a few minutes earlier. To give you an idea of how long the walk is, we finished "Eye of the Tiger," "The Final Countdown," and "Never Gonna Give You Up," and we still had enough time left over to restart "Eye of the Tiger" for our big entrance into the gym.
It was pretty fucking awesome, everybody. Walking arrogantly everywhere with our hoods down and all this hilarious music blaring out of our stereo while everyone outside was staring at us in disbelief. It was so much fun playing it up on the way there lol. The whole thing was sort of obnoxious, but it wasn't too bad because, believe me, our campus is a friggin ghost town Friday afternoons. There weren't many classes in session to bother, haha.
So then we rolled into the gym ready to kick some ass. Casey went over the rules with the captains of the other teams, and everyone else engaged in the only practice we were able to do that week, which quickly devolved into people speaking with their friends and me and a couple of other guys playing basketball with the dodgeballs. As you can see, we took the path to victory completely seriously.
As for our actual performance in the tournament, well, let's just say we lost all eight games we played. In some of them we got our asses kicked, and in others it was actually close - the other team just outlasted us. I actually did much better than I thought I was going to do. I lasted until the end in all but one of the games I played in, I hit a couple of people, and drew a few "OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHs~" from the crowd with some nice dodges. Fantastic stuff.
I think my defining moment, though, came at the beginning of one of the matches where everyone rushes out to get the balls. I was lined up with a girl on the other side, and when we both grabbed for the ball, I ripped it out of her hands. If this were the WWE, people would've been booing the hell out of me.
Who they really should've been booing the hell out of, though, was this shirtless midget asshole who took the tournament WAY too seriously. Every time he hit someone, he reacted like he'd just lost his virginity and couldn't wait to tell his buddies. To make things worse, that asshole and his posse of assholes won the tournament. At least they didn't beat us once we got past the exhibition games. The team that eliminated us was actually pretty cool, and they were good sports about it.
Anyway, I guess you've all waited long enough for some pictures... lol.
Me, Casey, Ashley (our editor-in-chief), and Dan racing for the balls at the beginning of a match.
I honestly don't remember when we got together to take a menacing photo, but this makes me laugh every time I look at it. Right in front of me is our assistant editor, Celeste; to my left is our assistant managing editor, Hannah; in the yellow shirt is Greg, one of our staff writers; and in between Casey and Dan is Chris, one of our photographers. He's the only one who was able to acquire really short shorts, and he went to Victoria's Secret to get them. We must have laughed for five minutes straight when he told us that.
We did this before every match. Team spirit!
A team pose before the tournament began. On the far left is our assistant photo editor, Allen, and on the bottom right is our opinions editor, Christa.
You'd kiss 'em, too, if you had guns like these.
Allen in action during one of the games. He went all out in the first game and was totally exhausted afterward lol.
This is me throwing a ball and looking like a chipmunk at the same time.
After our defeat in the first round, we decided to head back to the office, because the tournament was lasting so much longer than any of us thought it would, and we needed to get some work done before heading home. But, of course, that didn't stop us from taking more thugged out photos. What can I say - we're total camera whores.
SO gangsta it's not even funny. Okay, maybe it is.
A different angle on our gangstatude.
I look so damn cool in this. Don't even try to deny it.
This is the cover to our debut album, which drops in May.
Posing with one of our many green bins around campus.
This says it all. We're way too hard for you guys.
After our last, great photo session, we took the long, lonely walk back to the office. Of course, we made sure to walk through the student center (which, of course, was nearly empty) bouncing in tune to the music. I even pushed in a chair with my foot while I was walking in rhythm to some hip-hop. Smoothest thing I'll probably ever do in my life. You had to be there.
Overall, the tournament was fun as hell, and it was well documented. At various points, three of our photographers were taking shots of the festivities. The Poly Post always makes sure to capture the most important, hardest news on campus.
