Name: Nikki
Age: 27
DOB: Nov. 24 1986
Height: 5ft roughly - What? I'm short
Believe in Love at First Sight: No.
Relationship Status: Single / Don't care
Here lately, I've come to discover, it doesn't matter whether I get married or not. It doesn't even matter if I stay single. Thing is, I may or may not be ready for it. What's important is being content with what you have.
I have a lot of favorite anime, but a few of them include: Code Geass, Trigun, Fullmetal Alchemist and Fairy Tail.
Favorite music: rock / hard rock / heavy metal, pop - I like things that people have said doesn't fit me.
My all time favorite band is the old Guns N' Roses. The new one sucked. End of story.

A Strong Man

I will have to pray for wisdom because after talking about what a father should be like at church today, I realize, if I find a man one day, even as a lover or boyfriend or whatever, before I think about spending the rest of my life with whatever guy, I should make sure he's a strong man. Of course, I'm not a strong woman, so I will have to work on that, but if I plan to have a family some day, I know that sometimes, the things we want will have to be put on the back burner and this means anime and video games. Because it's simply part of growing up and getting more responsibility. You don't have time for such things anymore. The needs of your family are first. I don't have anything figured out. And what I want may not be what I need. But I hope I do find a strong man, and I hope I can be a strong woman.

Dream, Dream, Dream

Why can I never fall in love? Any time there's a chance I might fall for someone, it gets shot down, and I wind up alone again. It's as if someone is telling me, "Nope, you're not allowed to fall in love, Nikki." Even my hormones seem to tell me this since they're so out of whack, I don't even have the physical feelings I should have. I don't have the libido I should have. I have love in my dreams, and it seems if I want to be in love, I can only turn to my dreams. My dreams seem to be the only place where I fall in love and am loved in return, or that I'm allowed to fall in love and something not get in the way. It's peaceful there. I wonder though, why my dreams can't come true. Even when someone confesses they would date me, distance is in the way. All I get is unrequited love or it ends just as quickly as it began. Why are some people meant for it, and others not? Why do some people have to look on while all their friends are happy, and they just have to be happy for them? I love fairy tales and yet, they never come true. They really don't exist. I guess that's why they're called fairy tales though, right? Fairies don't exist either.

A Confession of Love That Will Never Be

So a guy confessed to me that he'd date me if I lived closer to him. He won't do a long distance relationship because he says he's been in one three times. He's also trying to join the Marines. So, this love will never be. Once again, distance is not my friend.

The Opposite Sex Is Always Hard to Figure Out

So, I wonder about something. I've noticed, I have way more in common with guys than I do girls, and I remind myself of my guy friends aside from the fact I don't drink like most of my friends do, and I'm not so much a gamer. I just don't act much like a "woman" if that makes any sense at all. Could the fact that I'm more like my guy friends have anything to do with the fact most guys don't seem very interested in me? I wonder if this is a turn off with most guys. I mean, maybe I'm just thinking too much here, but meh...

Also, long-distance relationships seem to want to be avoided for the most part, and I don't know if I'd be turned down because of it. I mean, if a guy said he's not interested in long-distance relationships, there's a good possibility if you asked him, he'd say no. I wouldn't mind trying, but I mean... I can see why someone would say no. It is hard.

*sigh* So difficult.

Why Does a Good Dream Have to End?

Lulz, so I'm not sure I can tell you about the details of this dream. It's not because I don't know, it's because of what happened in this dream, lol. Let's just say I took off a guy's shirt and laid in the grass with him. I even kissed said guy. It was the best feeling in the world. I kissed him. He didn't initiate it, I did. Whatever possessed me is beyond my knowledge, but I believe if I were in that situation in real life it is simply the animal attraction we all have, lust. Anyways, I can remember the feeling, and I can remember every part of him I kissed. It felt so great. I blush even now, lol. One reason this was so nice is because I have struggled at showing physical affection, and here, I was just myself, and there was no hesitation whatsoever. He was so gentle and comforting, even as he ran his fingers through my hair. My head laid on his chest. Maybe this sounds so innocent to some, but for me, it was wonderful. And, the nice thing was, even though we did talk some, no words had to be said. I woke up in the morning after sleeping till like 9:00, and I thought, "Why couldn't this be real?" The last time I made out with a guy, I didn't feel what I should have. It wasn't the same. Probably it's because he forced me to do what he wanted. He used me to get what he wanted. Although, when he asked me what I wanted, I was completely clueless. Actually, I'd never even thought of it. Probably, I still wouldn't know. That's why I'd be like, "Er... good question..." I'd have to give him this scenario and see what he says, lol. Even how innocent it sounds, well, I'd still tell him this anyway.