On a stairway on their way to their boss in the secret lair, Seimei, Kankuro and Tayuya looked very VERY worry because they mess up big time. "This is not good, no." Tayuya groaned worried. "Who is going to tell the boss the bad news?"
"I am not telling him!" Seimei coughed as he points to Kankuro, "He messed up the job. He tells him."
"What?! No way! Why does Jessica always torment me in her Naruto parodies?!" Kankuro protested in concern, "She is more worse than Gaara!"
"Uh...I got an idea!" Seimei said once they reach the door at the bottom. "Tayuya, you tell him."
"Tell him what?" Tayuya asked fearing the worst.
"That we mess the job up!"
Tayuya groans in concern. Tayuya then said, "He won't like it, no way." Tayuya opened the door quietly and sneak into the room. She looked concerned as she sees her boss in his chair glaring at her. That someone is...
"Okay, I think they all know since this story was probably parodied before." Orochimaru said looking bored at the camera. You got it, folks. He is Seimei, Tayuya and Kankuro's boss.
"Hello, Orochimaru sir." Tayuya told Orochimaru nervously.
Orochimaru sighs as he got up from his seat and goes to the nervous Tayuya saying, "I have seen this before. When one out of three minions comes in, it is always bad news." The villain closes the door, which is the only one in the room, making Tayuya nervous even more. "Am I right, Tayuya?" As Orochimaru stomps around Tayuya, Seimei and Kankuro are outside the room listening in with their ears against the closed door.
"Geez, you can barely hear anything in there." Seimei said in annoyance. "Nothing but step, clomp, step, clomp..." The two boys' curiosity got the best of them as they peeked into the keyhole. They yelped as they see an angry eye peeking out at them: the eye of their boss! Suddenly Orochimaru's arm reached out from the keyhole and grabs the two brothers. In a cartoon fashion, Orochimaru pulls the two through the keyhole forcing Seimei and Kankuro into the room and dropping them next to Tayuya.
Seimei and Kankuro chuckles nervously then point at Tayuya saying, "She got something to tell ya, boss!"
"Well, speak! Don't keep me waiting!" Orochimaru snapped as he crossed his arms in annoyance.
"Well, hee hee hee. Remember that job you told us to do?" Tayuya asked nervously. "Well, we did. We dropped a safe on the princess!"
"Wait, you dropped a safe on her? As in try to kill her?" Orochimaru asked seemingly calmed.
"Yep!"
Orochimaru chuckles then he laughs loudly. Seimei, Kankuro and Tayuya, thinking he is proud of them, laughs along madly. Unfortunately, their laughter ended as the villain yelled loud enough to send them crashing into the wall, "YOU IDIOTS!! I didn't say 'drop a safe on her'. I said to KEEP her safe!! Seriously, why would I want you three to killed the one thing necessary to make my take over a big success?!"
"Hey, take it easy. Kankuro missed anyway." Seimei replied in concern.
"Don't blame me! Seimei told me and Tayyuya that you wanted to drop a safe on the princess!" Kankuro protested pointing at Seimei.
"Duh, I could have sworn he said it. He said something about a safe. Uh..." Seimei said stupidly trying to think.
"Why I ever hired you idiots is beyond me." Orochimaru said smacking his own forehead in disbelief. "Now listen carefully. I got a plan which doesn't involve killing the princess. She must be kidnapped to make it work."
"Why? Couldn't you do it, Orochimaru?" Tayuya asked puzzled.
"And reveal myself too soon and let those royal musketeers stop me?! No! This plan involves the opera which is tomorrow night." Orochimaru points to a poster that is about an opera that has three singing pirates in it. For some reason, opera singing can be heard when they stared at the poster. "Princess Jessica must be gone by then or I cannot be king!"
"Oh." Seimei and Tayuya said in understanding.
"Duh, I don't get it." Kankuro said puzzled.
Orochimaru smacked his forehead again. Angrily, he called out, "Lieutenant Hinata Hyuuga!"
A woman came out quickly and salutes. She had purple hair, white eyes, black suit, purple jacket, black pants, and black shoes. Her name is Hinata Hyuuga, Orochimaru’s assistant.(A/N:Hinata was forced to be his assistant. This works out in the end)
"Lieutenant Hyuuga reporting for duty!" Hinata announced like a military girl. "What is it you asked, Orochimaru?"
"Dump these idiotic minions into the Pit, Hinata!" Orochimaru ordered.
"Yes, sir." Hinata then goes over to an unlit torch. Seimei, Kankuro and Tayuya look horrified as they know what it is.
"Hinata, don't!" Seimei yelped horrified.
"Please! Not that!" Tayuya said scared.
"Duh, happy birthday!" Kankuro said happily.
"Sorry, guys, but it's part of the script." Hinata said as she pulls the torch like a lever. Suddenly a trapdoor opens underneath Seimei and his crew They scream as they fell into the Pit.
"No! The horror, the horror!" Seimei screamed as he fell.
A pause, then Tayuya peeked out of the Pit. The whole thing is actually five feet into the ground. Tayuya then said stupidly, "Wow. That was a short trip."
Just then the telephone nearby rang. Hinata answers it and said sweetly, "Konichiwa. Orochimaru's Secret Lair. There's No Place Like Evil. Hinata Hyuuga here," Hinata listens carefully. "Oh. Hey, Orochimaru, it's Princess Jessica." Anko pushed a button nearby causing a silhouette of the princess with a crown on her head to appear and an alarm to go off. This made Orochimaru very concerned.
--
Jessica and Sakura waited angrily as they waited outside the palace, expecting Orochimaru to show up or else. As they do, the royal ninjateers are marching as they sing their theme song.
Ninjateers: All for one, hey!
All for one and one for all!
Musketeers sing!
All for one and one for all!
Orochimaru then shows up finally. He chuckled as he bowed graciously as he said, "Ah, Princess Jessica. I am so glad you grace me with your royal omnipresence."
"Well, you took your time coming up here." Sakura said in annoyance.
"Anyway, do what I owe the privilege of you calling me up here?"
"I want bodyguards and now!" Jessica demanded upset.
"Errr...what?" Orochimaru asked alarmed.
"You know, ninjateer bodyguards!" Jessica replied angrily. She then points to the royal ninjateers as they sing a new military song.
Villains, bad guys run in fear,
When they see the ninjateers!
Saving Jessica is our duty.
Mess with them we’ll kick your…
A Ninjateer named Konohamaru jumps into the air and slashes a practice dummy with a sword.
Uh!
Orochimaru yelps in concern. He doesn't like what Jessica is ordering him to do, at all. "But, Princess... the ninjateers are too busy protecting the castle and keeping peace in the whole kingdom. Besides, nothing major had happened..." Orochimaru is interrupted by Sakura.
"Orochimaru, does Jessica looks like a Looney Tune to you?" Sakura asked Orochimaru.
"Uh... no." Orochimaru replies, puzzled.
"An Animaniac?"
"No."
"A Tiny Toon, or Woody Woodpecker, Tom Cat or Roger Rabbit," Sakura continues, keeping a dead-serious face.
"No to all of those."
"Good. Then...ANY TIME SOMEONE DROPS A SAFE ON HER, ITS SOMETHING MAJOR!" Sakura snaps at Orochimaru, the large man falling on his butt due surprise and fear; Sakura could be quite scary when angry.
"Well, don't sit there like a lazy creep. Get me bodyguards!" Jessica snapped while snapping her fingers impatiently.
"Why sure, no problem." Orochimaru said getting up in mock joy. "Let's check my schedule..." The villain gets a calendar out of his pocket and checks the current week in there. On Tuesday, it reads 'kidnap the princess'. Wednesday, 'become king'. Thursday: 'Bingo'. It looks like Orochimaru's schedule is filled up. "How about next Thursday of next week?" Orochimaru asked as he puts his calendar away hopefully.
"Let me put it this way: either get me my ninjateer bodyguards in 10 minutes or you will be looking for a new job!" Jessica snapped angrily. Orochimaru growls in concern. He knew he will have no choice but to give in to the princess's demands. He knows that the ninjateers are the best in Land of Wind, Japan and will ruin everything. He got to find a way to ensure the fact that he will give Jessica what she wants and the bodyguards won't ruin his plan. But where can he find the right guys for the job?
Just then, Orochimaru spots something nearby. It's our favorite three janitors on a roped stand cleaning windows. Naruto is singing sadly while doing so.
Naruto: Pancakes, Miso Ramen, scrambled eggs
"You are a lousy singer, kid..." Kyuubi said in annoyance.
Naruto pulled on the rope to make the lift go higher.
Buttered toast and apple jam.
Tonight it’s meat I hope it’s Spam…
"Naruto, watch out!" Gaara yelled in alarm because of the fact that he and Sasuke are having trouble keeping up thanks to Naruto pulling on the rope too hard. As Orochimaru watch, the stand lost it balance. The result? The three janitors scream in terror while falling to the ground making, "YAAAAH-HOO-HOOO-HOO-HOOEY!!" like a certain Disney character we know.
Orochimaru smirks evilly getting an idea. Turning his focus to the waiting Jessica, the villain said slyly, "Good news, princess. I got the right men for you."
"For your sake, it better be the case." Jessica snapped as she and Sakura headed back into the palace. "Thanks to you, the whole thing became more incompetent than usual!"
Orochimaru narrows his eyes as he mumbled angrily, "You want incompetent? I'll show you incompetent..." The villain uses his fingers to pretend he is choking Jessica by the neck. Of course Jessica turned and glares at the villain making Orochimaru dropped what he is doing, chuckling nervously.
To be continued...
