Okay, this has been up for discussion several places and by many people.
Mostly, this goes out to girls, but guys .. have a seat and listen as well.(read)
I've been told about this from several of my male friends, females who have seen it happen; bottom line - loads of people. I, myself, have noticed the difference as well.
First of all, before I begin my preaching, think about this. Thinspirations, anorexia, bulimia, overdone makeup, slutty-clothes ... We all know about this, we've seen it, heard about it, have a friend who practices one or more of the above. How screwed up is that? It makes me so angry to see young girls, standing about, looking like prostitutes to get some attention. What the #¤#¤% is up with that?! They do this to get attention, from what? Men?! No man who falls for such an act is worth anyone's time! Stop trying to sell yourself cheap, stop starving yourself, stop the torture and the disturbed act!
I, being a female, understand the feeling that you're not good enough, you're too fat, your hair is too thin or teeth are too big or small .. or whatever, really. I feel old, being 22, for crying out loud! I know what feeling insecure feels like, alright? Now, let's drop all that for a second. I'm not going to tell anyone that 'it's what on the inside that counts', because if you ask me, frankly, I think it's a load of crap.(At least when you're trying to pick someone up, without them knowing you and vice versa) I'm not saying looks are all, but I'm definitely not saying that you can solely go by 'inner beauty'; also, seeing how women/girls obsess about their looks, no matter what. Here's what I've found handy:
Value what you are, what you think, your opinions ... your personality. (No, I'm still not for 'inner beauty' all the way :P) Stand firm upon who you really are. Value the fact that maybe you're good at drawing or singing or dancing, or simply that you're a happy person. Maybe you're a good daughter/son, or a great friend. It doesn't take the world. Now try to project that upon your looks. I'm not saying that the fact that you're good at cooking will make your breasts grow, BUT ... Look at it this way:
You go out the door, wearing some old jeans, a gross shirt with holes, you had to hurry.. your hair is sticky.. Not feeling very hot, are we? IT DOESN'T MATTER!! You don't NEED to wear skimpy clothes and oversmear your face with makeup, really, trust me. You don't need to starve yourself to look like photoshopped models. You're a great-a** person. You rock! Walk it, talk it. Try it, I know it can seem hard, but try ... You will see it, instantly, despite the hair and clothing, people will notice you. You will gain this glow of self-confidence. Learn to care less about what people think and you will see it change within an instant.
Girls usually like a man who is confident, sure of himself, walks it and acts it. I'm not talking about some stuck-up jerk, just a guy who can back himself up. And how can he do so? By cherishing himself and finding peace, regarding looks ect.
See, this usually goes for men as well. Walk with your head high. You're worth it, who cares about the hair? You have great legs anyway, or beautiful eyes or you're a skilled 'something'. Trust this, as soon as you find peace within yourself, upon who you are and your weight or whatever 'problem' you may think that you have ... you will be noticed and all eyes will be on you. (and i don't mean in a negative way.) It will, actually, make you _look_ better.
Take me, as a real example.
I think that I'm getting old, I think I'm too fat and I generally find myself boring-looking. Next to that, I even have bad habbits. Such as smoking, cursing too much, yelling... But you know what? I'm fine with that. This is who I am, I yell and curse and smoke ... If that's too horrible for someone to put up with, then screw them! I'm a kind, funny and loving person. I see myself as a good friend and a loyal person. I've accomplished things in my life that I can be proud of. I have nice hair and I'm good at what I do. I'm not stuck up or a snob, I'm just fine with whom I am, fair and square. Now, some days, it's easier than others, but regardless of what I wear I always try to do the above, walk with my head up high, keep my values in mind and care less. Instantly, I get looks and smiles and I'm paid attention to and complimented. It's a great feeling, do try it. It makes a world of a difference. So, again, stop the crazy diets, stop the cheap clothing and makeup-overkill. Noone really wants a shallow, insecure 'dollie' from gucci-hell anyway.
I'm not saying that you can run around and be a snobbish-slob. I'm just saying that some people need to stop obsessing and torturing themselves. Noone's _really_ 'ugly'. Usually, people see flaws upon their own bodies, that others wouldn't have noticed in a million years. You don't need to make everyone love you and think you're the bomb. You need to know who you are, value yourself and work it into your looks. Buy a new lipgloss and rock it, or so. Don't overdo it, be yourself, not some poster-girl/guy, it ain't worth it. Once you carry yourself with respect and dignity, people will notice your pretty eyes or hair or legs or whatever, and the flaws will fade.
I certainly hope I haven't confused too many people and made it all look like a big bunch of hypocricy. Look, this is what I am saying, in short:
Stop going overboard to compensate for whatever problems you think that you have. Love yourself and your looks and others will too. You will feel better and happier and find yourself more beautiful, physically. Attraction is neither only looks or only personality, it's mix, so go ahead .. mix the two.
And stop the darn madness!!
- kuromaku.
