Hey guys...it's been a while...a long while now that I think about it.
It seems like whenever I post here I talk about being more active and then I disappear for like 4 months and make a post or two and then Im gone again.
This time though...it's not that I haven't had any time to post here, or no WIFI or anything...but I just haven't been motivated to do anything.
My job is kinda stressing me out...and with the holiday season things seem to only be getting worse. Every day I leave wanting to quit but I dont have the guts to actually do so..or another reason is because I always think "Maybe tomorrow will be better" but it honestly hasn't gotten any better.
I've even had customers yell at me and call me a "B*tch" to my face...and all I'm doing is just trying to do my job and follow the rules. I've even gotten to the point where I will argue with them back because I can only tolerate so much when it comes to complete fucking strangers talking down to me.
This customer had the nerve to tell me
"If you don't wanna have to serve people like me, then get a real fucking job"
--I like glared at her and leaned over the counter and said.."Oh, please, tell me about your amazing ass REAL JOB!" and she said I was being rude and I told her to leave
It's not like I dont have a real job...I'm a bakery clerk at a grocery store.
Not running a damn Lemonade Stand...and some of those even become successful!
But whatever..
Anyways on top of my work related stress, I have also been having issues with my friends I guess.
None of us are fighting...or at least not that I know of..
But it almost feels as if...maybe we are growing apart. Or more like maybe I'm growing apart from them...or the other way around.
Now, I don't have that many friends to begin with..so the ones I did have always felt kinda like a small family to me. Now I feel like we are all strangers..or at least I've become a stranger.
They will all hang out with each other....but I'n always some sort of after thought or forgotten about.
It's not like I don't try and keep in touch with everyone, because I do. I try very hard...but no one is keeping in touch with me.
One friend in particular has become extremely distant. The person who I thought I could always count on and who promised me that we would never grow apart.
Talking to them is like pulling teeth, but after a while I catch the vibe that they probably don't even wanna talk to me anymore...or they just stop replying to me and go and do other things like post on other sites or whatever.
It's not like I go specifically to their profile and check, but when I'm scrolling through my feed and I just see them doing their own thing and I'm just left sitting there like
..."Oh...I wouldn't have minded going there too...I also like conventions...I like to do things.."
At one point I felt like I had gotten over my friends and were all
"PSSH I DON'T NEED YOU DAMN LOSERS!! FUCK YALL!!"
Once in a while I do feel like that still..but I'm beginning to feel very lonely.
I think that maybe...instead of crying over my friends who no longer seem like they want anything to do with me...it might be best to try and meet new people.
Buut I have terrible social anxiety and I don't really know...how to make friends...so yay...
Hopefully I will figure something out sooner or later. I will always try to be positive and find something to keep my mind busy and away from the sad thoughts.
I'm gonna wrap this post up here, sorry it wasn't funny like things usually are.
~ CrimzonN3k0 z ~
