Caution: Explicit material. And This post isn't a slander about people's religion. It is just my opinion and how I feel.
George Carlin was like that crazy Grandpa that I never got to know. The Grandpa on the side of the family that I actually knew died 14 years ago this week, but I was to young to comprehend death. So when I got into George Carlin I honestly felt like he was my Grandpa. And When George Carlin died in 2008 I felt like my Grandpa died all over again but it hurt more this time. So what brings me to this point of George and death of Grandparents you may ask? Well this morning I awoke at 6:30, even though I had no class today, by my mother walking down the stairs to my room crying. My Grandma, one of the sweetest ladies you ever met, had a stroke. So I freaked out I love my grandma so much and I could never bear to lose her.
A little background about myself most do or don't know, but I tell anyways. I went to a private Catholic school for 9 years eating and breathing by the book (that'd be the bible, children). So when Highschool came around I got to go into public schooling. Oooooo big news. Anyway, The real world sometimes can put life into perspective and all this shit kept happening all over the world and then my friend died. That was the day I tossed my religion aside. No superior being could fuck with people so bad. But the rest of my family, aside from my brother, are pretty much diehard Irish-Catholics. So I'm still dragged the the usual rituals. But my main defense in not believing is; there are no answers to why the perfectly good die the earliest. You can explain to me all you like of what you think are good explanations. You think what you want and I do what I think. I let people keep there faith because it's sometimes all people have.
Back to the story. Contrary to what I believe I still did the right thing this morning I did what my grandma and mom would do. So I dug out my Rosary from Ireland out a dusty box and went to 7:00 mass with my mom and brother. I did everything I was taught to back in the days and helped my mom out. When mass let out and we got in the car, we had high hopes. We were feeling better. My mom called my Aunt to check up on Grama only to find out she passed away when we were in church. She had a heart attack in the ambulance on the way to the hospital. I think it might be important to state that the rest of my mom's family lives on the East cost where as I'm in the Midwest. So I got home and sat in a tree for 1 hr and decided to go play some hockey to get my mind off of it. But it doesn't help the fact that the woman that everyone, that she met, loved was gone. Its hard to try and believe again and then get crushed, that is why I have problems with religion. I believe in a higher being, but not a superior one. I don't see him as an all father, but more along the lines of a watcher. But I hope, I deeply deeply hope that there is a heaven not for me, I know my place, but for my Grandma so she won't be disappointed.
Well thanks for reading to the end. I'm just having a little trouble handling this and I thought typing and looking for friends would help. I apologize if I upset anyone with my religious thoughts, you never know what will upset people these days. Goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow. NOW, BEER HO!!!!!
