I rejoice in what I have and I know that fresh new experiences are always ahead. I greet the new with open arms. I trust life to be wonderful. – Louise Hay
"You can be the worlds greatest hero, or its most mild mannered citizen, the only person who can write your story, is you!" - Jonathan Kent to Clark Kent
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Where Else to Find ME | Anime/Maga List | Non-Anime TV Shows | The Men in My Harem
Okay. Blonde me is from a few months ago. Brunette me was taken a couple days ago. I'm loving the dark hair so much!
My mom is amazing.
Sounds like it should be wonderful, right? Well, it wasn't. It was a mess. So, Joe and I were getting married, set the date, and then I never did anything in the meantime. And, I mean nothing. I didn't get bridesmaids or pick out their dresses. I just had my dress. I think the main reason was because the day I was going to go shopping for things, I won some trip to the beach and it was a long vacation. Joe had his groomsmen and he must have put together the guest list because a fuck ton of people showed up. It was at my uncle's place out in the country.
I kept prolonging me going and getting ready so I could talk to all of the people that were showing up. The thing was supposed to start at 2, and it's 3:30, when we realized I didn't have a maid of honor, the only real thing I needed. I had found some make shift bridesmaids, somehow. People were growing so antsy because of how late it was getting. We were scrambling around trying to call my friend Jen, who will be my maid of honor in real life, too. But for the longest time, she doesn't answer. When she finally does, she thinks I want to go shopping or something, and I'm like, dude, no, I'm getting married and you need to get here. Well, she lives in Omaha which is an hour away. And she said she was on her way, but she didn't have a dress. But none of my bridesmaids were matching anyway.
But, that did bother me, so I end up telling everyone I was postponing the wedding to two weeks from now. They grumbled and left. Fast forward to two weeks later, and basically the same thing is happening. I'm a bit more organized and everyone knows about it, but guests aren't showing up now, only a few. My own mom isn't there. And I'm running around trying to help, and when people do show up, they're appalled I'm nowhere near ready, so my dad has to bring me into a back room and help do my hair and make-up, which if you knew anything about my dad, this notion would have you laughing your ass off.
Then, I woke up. I have no idea what happened, but it was a mess.
Been awhile! Hope everyone is doing well.
Time sure is flying by for me lately.
I went home this last weekend and saw my family. It was a much needed break. It was nice to hang out with my brothers and and parents. My youngest brother is so fun to hang out with. We don’t argue nearly as much. And it’s great. We have so much in common, and we can talk about anything and everything. He’s letting me start a blog about all the things he says.
Brotherisms
Please check it out and leave feedback! I want to try and put it into a book, but I’m just not sure how to do that, yet.
Watched the new movie Carrie with my family. Pretty good movie. I’d recommend it.
Got my hair done. i went from blonde to dark brown. Quite the drastic change. Everyone seems to love it so far. I’ll see if I can’t get a before and after photo up for you all to see. The first day back to work, no one recognized me right away. And, i love seeing everyone do double takes when they look at me. I fucking love my hair. It’s great. When Joe saw me the first time, he did a double take, and he complimented me on it. He’s never complimented me on my hair when I get it done before, so that was super nice.
I’ve been wanting to make some changes in my life, and I feel like this was one step to making that happen. Aside from my hair color changing, I also told a guy that’s been hitting on me for months (Mr. Fischer) that I wasn’t interested in him. I’m cutting all ties with the guys in my life who just want to use me. Now, I’m just back down to Joe. And I feel really good about that. I also decided I wanted to get as much negativity out of my life as I can, so I went through all my friends on Facebook and deleted almost 100 people from my list so I don’t have to see the negative stuff they post.
Tuesday, last night, was bowling night, and Joe asked me to DD. I had been looking forward to last night for a week. I was so fucking excited, you have no idea. I missed everyone so much. Rich was there, but it wasn’t too awkward. Everyone told me how much they missed me, and I got hugs, and I just fell back into place with them as though I had never left.
The only part that was awkward was G, Richard’s soon to be brother-in-law. G has been texting me on and off since May right after Joe and I broke up. And every once in awhile, he’d start texting me about some inappropriate things. He has a girlfriend, whom he lives with. She scares the fuck out of me, and I don’t want her to see the things he says to me and get mad at me. I don’t condone it, and for months, I was too shy to tell him it was inappropriate and that he should stop. I never encouraged it or anything. I always just changed the subject. He recently started texting me again, like, the last 5 days or so, and he started being inappropriate again, but because I’m wanting to make all these changes in my life, I told myself I needed to stand up for myself. So, I did. I told him I didn’t like him doing that, and he stopped. Yay for me. Well, G is on the bowling team, and he wouldn’t talk to me outright while I was there. He would text me. We were sitting right next to each other at the table. That makes me feel uncomfortable that he didn’t feel comfortable enough to talk to me face to face but resort to texting. It’s just creepy, and I should really just tell him to stop.
I was really worried how Rich would handle seeing me again. I don’t want anything weird to happen between us, and i really don’t want him to go back to hitting on me or texting me or any of that. We have this teasing dynamic between the two of us. Always have, and it worked for us last night. It never really got all that weird. I caught him staring at me a few times, but that’s pretty insignificant. After bowling, I dropped Joe, C, and D off at a bar, and I was to take G and Rich home. And after dropping off G, Rich and I were alone in the car for awhile, and I was really scared he was going to pull something or ask me about Joe or something. But, he didn’t. We just talked about what had been going on the past few months. And that was it. So far, he hasn’t texted me. So, I’m assuming I’m safe.
So, I went back to the bar with the guys and hung out there with them. Joe and I were connecting so well. We kept staring into each others’ eyes all lovingly. And we just talked about everything and anything. And then he and D would start talking, so I’d make conversation with C. Now, C and I have a very fun, random relationship. He gets drunk, and just says anything that comes to mind without thinking it through. Like, we were talking about waiters who were half hispanic and half asian. Yes, Asian. Not Japanese or chinese. Asian. And they would serve him beer and all this nonsense. I don’t even remember the story, but it was… interesting. Then, I was trying to tell him where my hometown is, and we used beer mugs and salt shakers as landmarks to make a map. It was just weird. Then, when D went up to sing Karaoke, he wanted to dance with me, and I didn’t, which I kind of regret, but I don’t know how to dance, and I didn’t want to make myself look like an idiot because it would have been only us. He even asked Joe if he could dance with me, and Joe kept trying to get me to go up there, but I was sober. If I was drunk, then yes, because I’d have something to blame my stupidity on.
So then C is teaching me how to block. Whenever C gets drunk around me, he always feels the need to try to tackle me or run at me or something, and so last night he was teaching me how to block him when he did his different moves on me.
I haven’t laughed that hard and long in a long time. It was such a good night. I enjoyed it so much. I really missed those guys.
C is 32 and doesn’t have a girlfriend because he can’t talk to girls very well at all. It took him about 4 months to talk to me normally. But he’s a great guy and a lot of fun. So, Joe had the idea of setting up C with my friend E. Which I was all for last night, but now I’m having second thoughts. What if things work out and everyone starts liking her more than me? What if she becomes better friends with everyone over me? What if Joe and I go our separate ways and she and C work out. She gets to hang out with all Joe’s friends and would probably see Joe a lot, and there I’d be all awkward and feel unwelcomed. I just feel like we need to keep them all separated. And I know that is incredibly selfish of me, which is why I’m not going to say anything. They might be perfect for each other, and I’d just get in the way of that. I’ll just keep this to myself.
Last night, Joe let me stay over, which wasn’t the original plan, and we didn’t have sex or anything, but we just slept together, holding each other. Like, full on hugging, embracing each other. I couldn’t sleep, and I don’t get how he can. I need to lay on my stomach to sleep. It’s the only way. So, I didn’t get much sleep last night at all because I didn’t want to move. I wanted him to keep holding me. I felt so warm and protected and wanted. So, today, I’m in a wonderful mood.
I had a couple dreams last night, which I don't think they were connected at all, but I don't really remember. The first dream I had I was working at the golf course, and this guy that I know in real life from the internet stalked me there. And he was telling me he had no place to go, so I told him he could crash at my place, but he had to stay in his car. During the night, he kept coming back into the house and jumping on top of me (I sleep on my stomach, so it was so uncomfortable because he weighs a lot.) because he wanted to sleep with me. But, I was getting pissed because I did not like him at all. I started yelling at him, and I made him cry and run away.
Then, suddenly, I'm in my uncle's house, and one of ex boyfriends, Jozef, is there, and we're playing basketball. Inside. When the ceiling is barely 7 feet high. But anyway, the hoop is right over the tv, which is daughter is watching. It's like we were a family. And as we stop playing for a second, Jozef goes into the kitchen to get us a drink, and I go and start playing with his little girl (like, tickling her feet and stuff) and then she kind of turns out to be my little brother and he says I need to play with him like this when we're in church and we're bored. Jozef came back and tried to give me alcohol which I can't have because of my meds, which I'm really taking in real life (If I drink even mouth wash, it'll make me throw up violently.)
I woke up when my roommate got home, but feel asleep rather quickly, and transitioned into the next dream.
I was on a train. In a car packed full with a shit ton of other people. We were like POWs or something. We were headed to a concentration camp. The details of this dream are really fuzzy, but I remember riding along, and then us all plotting our escape, which we do escape, but we get caught pretty quickly because we're out in the open and there's nowhere to hide. There's one of us out of all the prisoners that the government or whoever want the most. Rocky. When we got off the train, we split up into several groups hoping at least some of us would get away. It was like the hunger games except with a fuck ton more people.
The women in the group, there were 4 of us, had to get called to the radio station and give interviews. Well, I wanted a job there, so I ended up staying and working. But, when I got off, I'd help people escape. We ended up needing to get off the ground because it was snowing and we didn't want our tracks to be seen. So, we climb up the powerlines and walk up out there, which you'd think would be hard, but everyone could walk on them, you just had to keep your balance, which was hard, but easier than it should have been. And we run into another group, coming towards us. They notice Rocky, and pull out these guns, thinking that if they caught us and brought us in, they'd be able to go. Well, we don't want to go and suddenly, there's gunfire everywhere. And we're all falling off the lines and running, and we get away, but then as we're up the road, getting close to a farm house, we get under attack again.
It was really weird not being the main character in a dream. Everyone was after Rocky, and we were trying to tell him he needed to go so the majority of us could live, but I wasn't trying to do much because I knew it was all wrong. They ended up killing Rocky there, and firing at the rest of us, who got up and started running, but that farmhouse ended up being the concentration camp we were intended to go to. We were called to do another radio interview, and this time only two of us girls could be there. Our numbers were limited now.
And as we're sitting in the house, cramped together, I look around, and they're all my classmates from High School, which I hadn't noticed before.
It was just so bizarre.
Hope everyone is doing well! Haven't made a post in awhile, so I thought I better change that. Been a long week.
Monday, Joe texts me an article from our local news site. This guy that I know pretty well- actually, he was the guy that supposedly told work that Joe and I were together and got us into trouble- was arrested and in jail because he tried to kidnap someone! This girl either asked him for a ride or he offered to give her a ride somewhere. He had a bottle of alcohol that he was drinking the whole ride over, and when they got to where she needed to be, he asked her to have sex with him and then when she wouldn't do it, he hit her in the back of the head and wouldn't let her out of the vehicle. Someone heard her screaming and called the cops. He is charged with a DWI, assault, and kidnapping in the second degree. Crazy!
Wednesday, after Game of Thrones/Castle marathoning that I do every week with my friend A, I went to another friend's place. There, my friend, E, and another friend, T, and I drank and tried to watch a zombie movie that had strippers in it. Can't remember what it was called, but it was a terrible movie. So, then we decided to just watch porn. I've never watched porn with other people before, so that was interesting. Then, T, owed E and I a shower, so we went and did that. Which was also interesting. We've all seen each other naked, but we've never done anything intimate. E and I have showered together once before, but adding T to the mix was interesting. I think he felt a little awkward in the beginning because he didn't seem to know what to do or how to add himself into the mix that was E and I. I was a little uncomfortable in the beginning because I wasn't sure how much touching T and I should do. But, we just figured it out as we went, and everything was okay. We got done and just walked around naked and laid in bed together.
Thursday night, I was heading out to go be with Joe, and my car wouldn't start. So, I had to get my friend A to come over so I could jump my car. Then, I get to the bar, and Joe and I are playing vidlot. He's depressed, in one of his downs, and so we were talking about the guy who tried to kidnap someone and how messed up he is. And Joe was saying he's messed up, too. He doesn't understand how or why I enjoy being with him. I tried to assure him I really did enjoy being with him or I wouldn't show up, but he just won't believe it. So, we get into my car, and it's dead again, so I had to get A to come jump me again. And while we're waiting, Joe wants to know what my friends have to say about me hanging out with him. And when I tell him they don't really say anything, he thinks they really do want to say something, they just don't want to hurt my feelings. I called bullshit. My friends and I all have known each other long enough and well enough where we voice our opinions right away. We figure the other needs to hear it, so we say what we feel. And he just wouldn't believe it. He's so sure they all hate him. He recognizes that they are really good to me. and he was saying with E and A, I have twice the amount of friends as he does. And I was telling A that, and she told me to tell him he needs to hang out with all of them more.
Friday morning, my car won't start, so I have to call into work and wasn't able to get there until after noon. I got to just lay in bed with Joe and watch tv together, which I've missed. He had to jump my car and I took it in to get fixed. Had to replace my battery. $150. Blegh. I was so tired yesterday that I went to bed early. And then today I got to go home early from working at the golf course because no one wants to be out in the cold. So, I'm watching the Legend of Korra episode from last night. Yay!
What did you all do this week?
