I rejoice in what I have and I know that fresh new experiences are always ahead. I greet the new with open arms. I trust life to be wonderful. – Louise Hay
"You can be the worlds greatest hero, or its most mild mannered citizen, the only person who can write your story, is you!" - Jonathan Kent to Clark Kent
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Okay, so my night started off perfectly normal. My best friend, E, and I decided to go shopping. I bought a purse, and it was great. I locked my keys in my car, and we had to get someone with my spare come and let us in. As we're headed back to my place, E suggests going to this bar that has dollar drinks from 8-10. So we go, just the two of us.
It was kind of boring at first, so we were going to leave early. As she was going to close out her tab, there were these guys in line ahead of us that had ordered 5 shots, and two of the five guys had walked away leaving two shots to be had, so he offered to us, and we took it. After that, we were all attached at the hip talking and laughing and having a good time. E and I were a little tipsy and may have played up our 'relationship' a bit. And the guys were totally hooked. Well, as the night went on, they got creepier and creepier. They were doing drugs right in front of us, and they were telling us how we were going to be in for an interesting night. And he talked like we'd be having a threesome or something, and it was just really weird. So, E and I turned up our lesbian card trying to show that we were more interested in each other rather than them.
After an hour and a half of being trapped with them with no real way out, they decided to go smoke and left E and I at the table alone, so as soon as we saw that they were gone, E and I literally ran out of the bar to my car. I was far too drunk to drive, but she was well enough because she had them buy Alabama Slammers, which have red dye in it that she is allergic to, so she wouldn't have to drink, thus being well enough to drive. We had a cop following us part of the way home, and we were so nervous.
We made it home, and now we're just recovering, and I'm trying to sober up. We both have work in the morning and are tired as fuck. Going to go sleep now.
For the past week, I have been waiting for Joe to text me. I had promised myself I would not text him first. If he wanted to see me, I wasn’t going to make it easy for him. So, i waited. And waited. He texted me while I was home with my family to tell me he hoped everything was going well. And I responded saying Likewise, but i was beginning to wonder when I’d hear from you again. And he never replied. so, I went on with life.
It was easier than I thought it would be. Usually when I play this game with him, I break down and text him first because I have this need to talk to him. But, I didn’t really have that this time. I mean, yes, I wanted to talk to, but I didn’t have that itch that drives me insane until I can’t stand it a moment longer and I find myself breaking first. But this time, I surrounded myself with my friends and kept myself busy, so it wasn’t as hard.
Yesterday was Joe’s birthday, and so I allotted myself a text to say happy birthday. Actually, I did it twice. Once at midnight and once later at like 9:30 at night. He said thanks to the first one and said he missed me to the last one. We texted on and off for over 3 hours. He kept saying he wanted to see me but didn’t ever invite me out. And I wasn’t going to fawn all over him like I usually do and suggest meeting him. No, if he wanted to see me, he’d have to work for it and ask me on his own.
And eventually he did. At 1 in the morning. He asked me to come pick him up and for me to bring my new toy that I had bought. So, i did. When he got in the car, he put his hand on my head and caressed my scalp before he dropped his hand to my shoulder and just left it there until we got to his apartment. I still get tingly and feel a fire under my skin wherever he touches. He’s the only one that can touch me anywhere and I feel that way. I don’t even know how to describe it. We just feel right together.
Now we’re home, and he was so gentle and just held me, feeling me again. It has been a week and a half since he’d seen me. He pulled me back and asked if I wanted to live with him, and I said yes, but I couldn’t really fathom that he had even said that. I asked him about it this morning if he remembers saying it, and he doesn’t. So, he didn’t really mean it. Probably thought it would be a cool idea but wouldn’t want to go through with it or something.
Last night, we tried anal for the first time between us, but if you remember, I had tried it when I was forced into it. So, I had hoped that if I did it willfully, I would like it more. But, I don’t. Not my thing. Just made me feel like I had to poop. He never let himself finish last night and so this morning when I got up, he pulled me back down and we had morning sex, which was super amazing except it made me 5 minutes late for work.
Last night he had made me promise to meet him on my lunch break, but when I texted him about it this morning, he said he was leaving-had things to do. Which was fine, but I had expected that. He always makes me promise to do something the next day and then the next day he either forgets about it or has something going on and we never do it.
But, I asked him about the moving in with him thing, and he said he didn't remember, so now, I sent him a text basically asking where we’re going, what we’re doing, what his stance on us is right now. He still hasn’t responded. I hope he does so soon.
But, i wanted you guys to know that I’m doing something about it, I’m talking to him, and we’re hopefully going to get this figured out.
I met my best friend's new boyfriend. He seems like a nice enough guy, but I only really have one problem with the guy. He's 31 (my friend is 22), divorced, and has two kids. My friend hates children. All children. I love kids and want kids so badly, but I don't think I could date someone who has been divorced already and has kids. It just puts you in an awkward place with the kids. Because, you don't want to be introduced to them too early. And, I'd be afraid of them resenting me later.
The age isn't even a big deal for me. Mainly because in 8 days Joe will be 31, too. And, I could maybe deal with the divorce part. But overall, it's just not a good situation to find yourself in, I don't think. They come from different generations, and the gap is pretty big between them.
But, they have a lot in common. She says they are like the same person, and he seems to really care about her. But, they are also in the novelty stage right now, so who knows what it's going to be like when that wears off.
Hung out with my mom and brothers yesterday. I love my family so very much, but they can be so stressing. My youngest brother and I got into a bit of a fight because he wanted me to go play with him on the playground, but I was already talking with my mom and other brother, and so my youngest brother jsut starts picking on me and coming up and poking me in the sides and smacking me on the back to get my attention, then when I retaliate and start doing it back, he starts getting angry and crying and whatever, which in turn frustrates the shit out of me and makes me feel guilty for something I shouldn't have to feel guilty for. He was better by the time I left, but he was sulking for the better part of an hour. Ugh.
Joe has been ignoring me since Tuesday. I doubt he's purposefully doing it, but still. Tuesday night, I sent him a longer text and he never responded. Wednesday, I left him be and didn't send anything, and on Thursday, I sent him a text that said hey. It's what we always do to start a conversation when we want to talk to the other person but don't really know how to start it. He never responded. Friday, I sent him another text, which I don't remember what I said anymore, but I saw on my xbox that he was online. He was at home watching HBO Go or Netflix and was ignoring my text. But, at like 1, he texts me back and after a short conversation, I tell him I miss him, and he's like well, do something about it. So, I went over to his place, and when I get there, he was sleeping. Back to me. I start out spooning him, hoping he'd start talking to me or at least acknowledge that I was there. But does he? Nope. So, I roll over and put my back to him.
About an hour later, he finally rolls over and I roll over, too. We're facing each other and he just moves my hand onto him and we do it.
But, afterwards, he still never said a word to me. The next morning, all he said to me was about how at work they're inventorying. I left, and that was that.
Saturday night, I went to a baseball game with my roommate and his friends A and C. C, to me, is super annoying. I just don't really like the guy. He brags a lot and likes to exaggerate stories to make them sound better. He's super immature, and just no. I don't like him. I got really bored at the baseball game because I forgot my phone at the apartment and the whole time I was worried Joe would text me to hang out. I hate baseball and was actually quite bored with it. After the game, we went to grab my phone and it was raining so hard and hailing and it was kind of an adventure driving in that shit.
We went and ate at Buffalo Wild Wings and hung out and had a good time. I was kind of bored though because they were all talking about things I couldn't partake in.
I texted Joe first and he was talking back to me for once. He was at a friend's birthday party and he was bored but since he was drinking, he'd have to leave his car there. I offered to get dropped off there and drive his car back to the apartment. I had it all worked out how I would get home the next morning. It was going to work out great. And for a moment, sounded like he was going to let me come, but then right as I get everything figured out with my friends, he's like, don't worry about it. I'll be fine. And he's making a big deal out of it because he doesn't understand how I'll get home and whatever. So, after I explain it, he's like, okay, but I'm on my way home already. And, I'm like, what do you want. And he said he was fine. So, I didn't get to see him. We both apologized. And I haven't heard from him since.
I just feel like he's been ignoring me, and I don't know why.
My friends all say I need to talk to him, get this shit sorted out and cut my ties with him. But, I don't know what to say or how to say it. How do you start a conversation like that? I'm really scared it's going to make me as depressed as I was in June, and I really don't want that. But, I'm starting to feel that way again now, so something has to be done. But, I just don't know how to go about it.
Help?
So remember the exboyfriend I was talking about? The one who recently got back in contact with me? He's being very inappropriate. Remember, he's married and has a kid.
I just dislike him so much. Everything he says to me has an alternative meaning. For example. I had a status where my little brother said he couldn't remember what I looked like 5 years ago, and I made the comment that I don't think I've changed that drastically since then, and Jozef comments and says, ya you have. I asked him in a message how I changed, and he sends me this a heart in the eyes emoticon and "4 u 2 find out"
Um, what? I asked him what that meant, and he said IDK. And I'm like, figured as much and sent :p to him, and he's like, "That's my going down you face lol"
Line fucking crossed.
I just changed subjects because what the heck do I say to that?
I asked him to seriously tell me how he thinks I changed, and he says: I guess I never thought you'd be a sleep around kinda girl lol.
and, I was like, who says I sleep around? (He only knows I've had sex with Joe)And he's like, I thought you were the good girl kind.
And I'm like, who says I'm not?
and he's like no one, so I was like, then why do you think I sleep around and he;s just like IDK
So then fast forward a bit, and he says: Wouldn't be no sleeping if I was over.
And I'm like why is that? I don't know what that means. (I wanted him to come right out and say it so I could be like, fuck you) and he's like, you're dumb.
And I'm like, Or, maybe I just want you to say what you mean instead of hinting.
And he's like why's that?
And I'm like, Mainly because I hate hinting. Never know what anyone's talking about. I prefer talking straight up and being honest.
and he quit talking to me after that...
And I have no idea if he's speculating or not! he won't ever give me a straight answer! I want to know if that rumor's been floating around or if he's being a dick.
And then tonight, he sends me a text that says: Send me a pic and I'll send you one haha. So, I sent him a picture of a trex eating a tiger. And he sent me a pic of something that looks like the veggie tales and is like, glad we think a like. Then, stopped talking to me.
What am I supposed to make of that?!
So, last night was bowling night for the guys. I can't go since Joe and I aren't really dating and it'd be weird me being there otherwise. And I knew it was going to be hard for me because I wanted to be there with them so badly. But, I was doing okay. Until Joe texted me saying bowling wasn't the same without me there. And he kept telling me he missed me and wanted me there. And I was like, I want to be there so much. And he's like, I'd love it if you could stay with me all day tomorrow, but I have to work, so that wasn't going to work, and after I said that I wished I could, he hasn't said a word back, and I had texted him today at noonish asking to see him tonight. But, that doesn't look like it's happening. Great.
My friend seems to be handling the death remarkably well considering everything. But, I’m glad she’s going about her life as normally as she possibly can. I am envious of her strength and determination. She knows it is what the deceased would have wanted of her, so she’s doing it. Living life. Of course, it isn’t always rainbows and sunshine, and sometimes, it gets to be quite unbearable for her, but she’s going to be alright.
The roommate, John, and I are doing very well. He gets his days off (working 3-11 most nights) and I work 8-5 during the week and 3- 9 on the weekends. So, he gets the days to himself and I get nights to myself on the nights he works. He only works 3 maybe 4 days a week. It’s his first job, and he has to stand the whole time. And he complains about it often. And I’m trying to be understanding because I’ve been there. I know what it’s like. But, I want to shake him. I worked on my feet for almost 10 years. Don’t go there. I have arthritis in my knees from all my surgeries. My feet aren’t in good shape because I crushed them in a skid loader accident when I was very young. I don’t complain about the constant pain I’m in when I stand. But, he gets to? He’s perfectly healthy. He’s just not used it is all. But, that’s my only complaint, so it must not be too bad. We get along well, and we know each other well enough that we just mix perfectly.
Last night, I have to tell you about last night. I got a little bit cray-cray. So, we had a drinky party. And one of my guy friends T, took off everything but his boxers because he was so hot, and we were joking that we should all get half naked so he didn’t feel so left out… So, what do I do? Take my shirt off and parade around in my bra and jeans. Yup. With my best friend E. She and I were then wrestling around playing a game called Me Tarzan You Jane. Pretty fun. Even more fun when you’re drunk, let me tell you. Then, T, E, and i were just laying in my bed. And we were talking about my boobs, and T just pulls my bra down and makes me flash everyone. Good times. Good times.
Through the end of all this, my very first boyfriend, Jozef, and I were talking on Facebook. I told him on my phone, it’s easier for me to text, so he texts me. So, this means he either remembered my phone number from 4 years ago or he had it saved into his phone. (he didn’t have a phone of his own when we were dating). I think either way it’s really weird. But then he’s telling me about how he and his wife (the girl he cheated on me with) weren’t going to be together for much longer and that they fought all the time and how he wished his wife was more like me. the two of us never fought and just always had a lot in common and we had a lot of fun together. So, after he’s giving me his big sob story, he asks if I’ve ‘ever made love, yet’. And, I’m like…. Oh, ya. And so we were talking about that, and he was saying how he was pretty good and I said I was pretty good, and I’m just oh well, guess we’ll never know, and he’s like, I don’t know about that. And he told me how big his dick was and how I was really missing out and all the men I had been with were probably average. Yada Yada Yada. Like, dude, no. What are you doing?
So then after all of this, Joe texts me, and I didn’t see it for almost a half an hour because I fell asleep, but when I woke up, I texted him back to see what he wanted, and he’s like, “I wanted to see you is all.” And so, i went over to his place, and as soon as I crawl into bed, he’s holding me and hugging me, and he was so cute the whole night. I absolutely love it when a guy puts his hand on my cheek and caresses it. And then the guy kisses you so gently at first, then passionately. It’s just the sexiest thing and the biggest turn on. So then, after we slept together, he’s like, I’ll spoon you. And I’m like, yes! Finally! I’m ALWAYS big spoon. Always. Always. Always. So, it’s always a real treat to be little spoon for once. And we fell asleep that way. And then, I had to readjust because I wanted some blankets, and we starting falling asleep with our backs touching and before i drift off, he starts poking me in the butt to get me to roll over so that I’ll spoon him and hold him. And he’d poke me every time I moved away. Or, if my arm fell off of his side and rested on my own hips, he’d grab it and put it back. It was the sweetest thing. And then this morning, before I left for work, he gave me a hug goodbye.
While we were spooning, he was telling me that bowling starts up again on Tuesday, and he told me he’d miss having me there. And I’m going to have a hard time the next few weeks on Tuesdays. That was what I did. I was a part of the team. I was there every single week. I had SO much fun. They were my friends, too. I will miss it so much. So so so much.
But, I just need to get used to the idea that Joe and I don’t do all the things we used to, and it’ll be okay.
