I rejoice in what I have and I know that fresh new experiences are always ahead. I greet the new with open arms. I trust life to be wonderful. – Louise Hay
"You can be the worlds greatest hero, or its most mild mannered citizen, the only person who can write your story, is you!" - Jonathan Kent to Clark Kent
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So, I live in an apartment. My dad hates that my rent isn't going towards anything. Like, if I were to get a house, my payments would be getting me closer to owning the house. So, he's talking about within the next couple of months helping me find a house up here to move into.
I'm actually really excited about it because I can't wait to get away from all the noise. And being able to decorate it... Love it!
The only part I'm iffy about is what happens if Joe and I don't work out and all my friends leave. I'll be up here all alone. I'd rather move home then, and I can't just do that as easily if I'm still paying off a house.
So, I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Happy Easter, everyone!
What are you all doing to celebrate?
My family is coming up to spend the day with me. :) So excited.
I even cooked! Made coleslaw and pickle wraps. Mark the calendars, no big catastrophies happened! Whoo!
I've been remembering a lot of my dreams, lately.
Ever since I got back from Vegas, up until Tuesday, I had been dreaming about getting back down to Vegas. A lot of the time, we missed our flight and had to find other alternative ways to get back down there.
But, Tuesday, that all stopped. I had a dream that Joe and I were looking for a house together. Then, when I woke up, Joe said I had been in his dream. When I asked him what happened, he said that in the dream, I told him I was going to get pregnant to keep him in the relationship. LOL.
Then, last night, I had a dream that I was getting so drunk and my family and I were getting on this train. I remember playing basketball at some point down in our shed. I remember having to take a bath in a basin full of water that was heated out of the faucets. And my friend John saw me naked. It was so weird.
So, I talked to Joe and got things all cleared up... for the most part.
Wednesday night, I went over and we talked it out. Getting everything out in the open. He basically told me everything that has been bugging him about us. Like, my constant texting. Which is very understandable. I mean, it's rude when you're with someone and then constantly texting someone else. And Joe and I grew up in two different generations. In my generation, it's preferable to text rather than call, and in his generation, they call rather than text.
And another thing I do that bothers him is the fact that when I go over to see him, I stay over without really asking. Which is my fault too. I mean, I go over there pretty late at night (like anywhere from 8pm passed midnight.) And I live on the other side of town, but I should ask if it's alright rather than just assume. I know I can change both of those things pretty easily.He told me not to take it personally, but how can I not? It's things that I'm doing. It's me. I do take it very personally.
I brought up the fact that this has been bothering him for 7 months and he hasn't said anything until now? Why the fuck did he wait? And he says it was because he was hoping he could get over it, that it was just him, but he wanted it out in the open so we can both work on it. So, I told him, we need to talk more, communicate communicate communicate. He can't give me hints. He has to come right out and say it or I won't get it.
He also talked about the girl he was previously engaged with (they were together for 3 years) and he said they both wanted to be in the relationship, but by the end, they had become completely different people. They wanted to be together but they just didn't work anymore. And he doesn't want that to happen to us. If he didn't want to be with me, he wouldn't be with me.
So, I guess, that makes me feel better. But, I didn't talk about the things he does that upsets me. And he knows that I'm holding back. He told me to yell at him and get mad at him. But, I can't. I don't say anything, and he says that's worse than yelling at him could ever be. But, I don't know how to form what I'm thinking into words, I'm afraid of saying something I'll regret, and I'm afraid of hurting his feelings. Plus, in every relationship I've ever had, we've never fought or argued before. So, this is all so new to me. I'm learning and I'm trying. But, it's taking me a lot longer to get used to all this. And I hate it. I feel like he's leading me around because I can't figure it out myself.
I feel helpless, and I don't like it.
Ugh.
In other news, Thursday at work, I had this customer come through the drive-through, and as soon as he pulled up and started talking, it was like there was no sound coming out. His lips were moving but there was no sound. I thought my microphone was off, but no, he just had that quiet of a voice. So, every time he said something, I literally had to ask him to repeat himself 3 times every time. I felt so stupid. Then at the end of the transaction, as I was giving him his receipt, he was saying something again that I wasn't understanding right away. He was asking for my number. Lolwhat? Like me saying what every time he said something is attractive! It was interesting.
Then I went home this weekend and got to see my family. It was so nice. Now, I'm back in my apartment. Bored as hell. Lol.
