I rejoice in what I have and I know that fresh new experiences are always ahead. I greet the new with open arms. I trust life to be wonderful. – Louise Hay
"You can be the worlds greatest hero, or its most mild mannered citizen, the only person who can write your story, is you!" - Jonathan Kent to Clark Kent
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I can't even think straight right now. Last night, Joe's roommate and friend, Rich, texted me and was telling me that Joe was out with another woman when he was gonna hang out with me and didn't. So, rich invited me over to drink and have fun with him and a few other people I know. So, I texted Joe to see if it was ok with him that I go over because they are all his friends first before mine. He said no.
So, I told Rich about how Joe didn't want me to come over, and then when Joe got home, Rich must have said something, because Joe texted me back saying how they think he's an asshole now and I had to come over and fix it. Well, I told him no, I wouldn't come over because he didn't really want me there. I told him that at least five times, and he never denied those feelings.
i ended up coming over to placate him, and Joe stayed in his room, so I hung out with everyone else in the living room. Rich, who's known Joe since they were 12, was telling me all about how Joe plays all the women in his life (Joe apparently slept with Rich's sister, and wasnt serious about her and then didn't have the balls to tell Rich about it). Then, Rich starts telling me about how all the 'problems' Joe has: arthritis, depression, etc, are all things he uses to get girls to feel sorry for him and give him what he wants. Oh, and I forgot to mention that the girl joe went out with has stayed the night a few times when I wasn't there.
He went more into it, and as he kept talking about it, I realized how much I have been used. For sex. I'd only come over late at night. We never went anywhere public other than one bar where no one he knew would see us.
I don't want to believe this. Not before I hear his side of the story. But, he wouldn't talk to me last night. And I was so mad I left before he woke up this morning. I was up until 5:30 last night talking to rich about everything.
Rich really likes me and wants to go out with me if things between joe and i don't work out. And frankly, not sure how it will...
So, I've been talking about how I want to change my weight. To become fit and lose weight.
Well, I'm doing it. Finally. Fuck, it feels so good. My friend and I are doing Intensity. It's insanely crazy. In a good way.
Today's only been day one. I'm already a little sore. But, it's the good sore. We're gonna do it every night. And, I have to finish out the leftovers in my fridge. But, come Saturday, I'm going shopping and stocking up on vegetables and fruits. I know this salad that is nothing but good for you. So, I'm gonna do this right.
If I can do this, you can do this.
You can.
Ok, so I've been seeing a few posts now where people are getting down on themselves. They don't like all these different aspects about themselves. And, I know I talk a big game by saying being proud of who you are. Own that.
But, I know it's hard. I still look at myself, and go what. The. Fuck. But, you know what? I own that. I am me through everything. No one else can be me. They can try, and they will fail. Every time.
For instance, here is a list about myself that I'm not necessarily found of, and I'm not looking for people to tell me I'm not these. I am. I know that about myself:
But, you know what, OH WELL!
I make the best out of the situation given unto me. I am smart, just not as smart as everyone else. I've learned to write things down or set alarms so I won't forget things. I learn from my faults, and I deal with it. I forge ahead ready and willing to try new things. Nothing is going to hold me back. Fuck that.
How did I learn to have this attitude you may ask? Well, I had wonderful friends that helped me to see that even though I have these 'problems' they all still love me. I wouldn't be me without them. If I didn't laugh about my mishaps, I would never laugh.
So, that's what I'm telling you to do. Understand that the least attractive traits you see in yourself are still a part of you. And, that's okay. No one is perfect. No one. Sometimes, these traits are what other people love about you.
If nothing else, learn from them. Learn to laugh about it and just own that shit. Do it. Right now.
Omg. I'm so bored right now. This is terrible.
I just want to hang out with Joe... But he's not feeling well.
I just want to hang out with my friends, but they're busy or.... well, it's complicated.
Ugh.
So, I've been sick for the past two and a half days or so. And aside from Joe telling me to get better Tuesday afternoon, I haven't really heard a whole lot from him since. We talked about other things, but he never asked me how I was doing. Which, kind of upsets me considering how I ALWAYS ask him if he's doing ok, and I'll text him everyday asking if he needs anything or how he's feeling. A few times, I've brought him food or something else he needs. But, he never offers to do the same for me.
My friends came and visited me while I was sick, and I had a friend who I'm not all that close to text me and ask how I was doing. That was when I started to feel a little hurt that Joe hadn't asked how I was doing.
But, today, he called me to ask how I was doing. And it was clear that he himself wasn't feeling well at all. But, it means so much to me that he called. So, so much.
Sometimes, I'm afraid he's gonna get bored of me, so when he doesn't give text/call me first every once and awhile, I feel like he's not interested in me.
I know it's silly, but sometimes, I can't help it.
