I'm really bored today, so I decided to write up a post here in this world. Though, I always feel weird talking about myself. I mean, I'm afraid to come across needy or self absorbed or something like that. So, I haven't really talked about my life on a day to day basis before.
But, I decided to try it out and see how it goes.
I don't have to work at all today, and I didn't yesterday, so my whole weekend has been free. Sounds great, you might think. But, I live alone, so I'm kind of lonely. I need things to do. I get bored VERY easily. I can't do too much of one thing without wishing I was doing something else. The internet is awesome and all, but there is a reason I have 6 tabs always open. And, because I work two jobs, I don't usually want to do anything when I don't have to do anything because I want to relax. So, laziness sets in, which is my own problem. I'll eventually get to the grocery list, the cleaning, the drawing, the writing, and the reading that I could do.
I never get mail or email from friends, as we only ever talk via text or facebook. But, everyone is out of town or busy this weekend, so I'm not sure what to do with myself.
So, I did the one thing that I love. Played basketball. If you've read any of my posts before or know me at all, you know that basketball is my one true passion, which I am no longer supposed to play. But, I did it anyway. I mean, I wasn't playing with anyone, and I knew if I was careful, I wouldn't get hurt. I grabbed the water, my MP3 player, my ball, and before I knew it, I was shooting hoops.
I had forgotten how much I loved the feel of the basketball in my hands, the sound of the ball going through the net. I only played for about 35 minutes because my knee was starting to tire and hurt. I was smart. I know my limits. But, damn do I miss it.
It makes me so upset that my career was cut short. I missed out on half of my junior year and all of my senior year. Right before I couldn't play anymore, I was butting heads with my coach, and I was finally playing minutes because he was looking passed the fact that I didn't have the name and I didn't suck up to him, and he saw that I had talent. I was playing better than the starters, and I was making my way to the top.
Where would I be if none of that had happened? I probably wouldn't have gotten to go to a big school to play in college, but I'm sure I could have played somewhere. If not, intramurals would have been a huge part of my life. I would have went out for rugby, and I know I would have been good.
I went to one practice before my family and friends talked me out of it, and I loved the adrenaline rush that I got playing. I miss the adrenaline. None of my friends here in college really like sports. One of my friends plays sports, but that's with his other friends, and we've talked about playing together, but something always comes up and we can't.
I talk to my dad every now and again, and he tells me stories of all the leagues and tournaments he used to play in. He used to have something going on almost every day of the week. So many of his friends he met through these things. He played up through his mid forties.
I will never know what that feels like, and I find it so unfair that I am unable to experience this. Why did I have to get the short straw? Was it because I didn't practice enough? WAs I not strong enough?
I would play in a heartbeat if it wasn't for my insurance. My dad was trying to get us moved to a different, less expensive insurance company, but they denied me because I'm a liability. And, my family can't afford another surgery. Otherwise, I'd be out there playing regardless of the risks. I don't care about getting another surgery. I do care that my parents can't afford it.
Wow.... Sorry, I did not intend to go on this huge rant. I was only going to talk about how much I missed the game, not how I am feeling right now.
