So, this post is going to get very personal; I just want to get it written down somewhere because it's been bothering me for awhile.
Joe, the guy I've been seeing, tells me a lot that he thinks I'm beautiful, sexy, cute. He tells me he's falling hard for me. He's confessed to having had a crush on me for awhile.
While anyone else would be flattered and happy, I feel differently. Yes, I'm happy he feels that way. But the question that pops up in my head is: why? I want to call bullshit any time anyone calls me pretty. It's not that I find myself ugly. I think I'm pretty average. I guess, compared to other girls around me, I don't understand the appeal of me.
If I was a guy and had to pick between me and say any of the girls that are my friends, I'd pick them over me in a heartbeat. My friends always know what to say, are funny, smart, outgoing, elegant, open, honest, caring people. Not saying that I'm not honest or caring, I just feel like my lack of other qualities overshadow those facts.
I'm not funny, I never know the right thing to say, I'm not smart compared to my peers, I'm shy, awkward, innocent, clumsy, and oblivious to so many things. My body isn't that sexy to look upon, and my face isn't going to make anyone look twice at me.
The part I really don't believe is that he's had a crush on me for awhile. The other girls I work with are prettier, more out spoken, and I'm sure he knew them better than me. Before August, I'm pretty sure we had only said two words to each other since I met him end of last year. I just don't understand or see the appeal of me.
What am I good at? Taking orders and doing what people tell me. That's it. There's nothing to me.
I have a hard time accepting compliments, clearly. Not sure why. But, I do.
I guess, what I'm scared of is that he's going to get bored with me and just break up with me. I like him so much I'd be crushed if he broke up with me. Especially for that reason. Two of my exs broke up with me rather out of the blue, and didn't really give any reason as to why other than they had found someone else. Someone better. What if Joe finds someone better?
