I know we all have high points in our life and low days. And I know that no matter how low, I'll always bounce back. But, right now, it's getting really tough.
In continuation from my last post, the symptoms I had/have are pointing to a miscarriage. And people keep saying that by the time my appointment on Tuesday rolls around I'll be fine and I won't care anymore.
Even though I don't want to be pregnant, it will still bother me knowing I miscarried. That will be very hard for me to handle.
I still don't think that's what is going on, but I'm just very unsettled because of how close the symptoms are to it.
And to make matters worse, Joe knows all about these problems, I texted him, and he seemed very calm about it all. But then last night, he's like, "I'm in a bad place right now... in my mind.... I just feel like I need to be alone and it's better that way. I can't stop that." So, he's basically saying the past 4 months don't matter because he thinks he's better off alone than with me.
What hurts even more is that he knows I'm a little freaked out with the whole symptoms thing, and he's like, I don't want to be together anymore.
So, if I was pregnant, he'd just leave?
I'm just so tired of trying to make it work right now. He's not doing anyhting to help.
We're still together right now. But, I'm not sure for how much longer. I still love him, but I'm just tired. He emotionally neglects me, and I'm just so tired of being the only one trying. It's not fair to me. I could be spending time with my friends who will be graduating next semester and then moving to different parts of the country while I'll be stuck here. Alone.
And to top it all off, I found out this weekend that a very good family friend had a blood clot on the brain that they went and removed, but they still aren't sure he'll make it.
Then, I found out I had a half brother out there. And a half niece. And cousins I didn't know existed. All of whom have no idea I exist.
Just not sure how I'm supposed to take this all in.
I need my friends right now, but with finals, I don't want to bother them.
Every year something happens to break my concentration on my homework and that's why I'm on academic probation from the business school. If I can't keep my grades up this semester, I'll be kicked out. I just don't know how to concentrate with all this shit going down around me.
I just need my friends to be with me right now. To talk to me so I don't feel so alone right now.
