So, last night, I went drinking with Joe and his friends. God, I had a blast. I got a little drunk. Not smashed, but enough where I was a lot bolder with what I said. But, anyway, I had a really great time hanging out. We had to walk five blocks back to the apartment from the bar, and Joe and I had a cute little race thing going on. It was fun. Chad, Joe's other roommate was giving us a hard time saying we were making out and flirting and shit. But, there was no making out. LOL.
Rich was a little weird last night. At one point, he told me I had nice cleavage going on and that he liked boobs, and mine were really nice tonight. Then I had to drop Rich's sister's boyfriend off at Rich's parents, and I made the comment that now I know where every one of his family members live, and he's like, you gonna start stalking me? And, I was like, maybe? And he was like, I'll probably like it.
Then, we were all sitting around the table, minus Joe and one of the guys. And this waiter that we all know is coming up and talking to us about our day off tomorrow and if we were all gonna get smashed, and he was talking about how everyone weren't bachelors. Rich and Chad are the only ones not with a significant other, and Rich's like, Joe's a bachelor. And, I was like, excuse me, no he isn't. We're together, and the waiter guy was on my side and was like, if he's got a gf, he's not a bachelor, and Rich kept arguing, wanting to start something. I was gonna get a little mad, but Chad was like, let it go. He doesn't mean anything by it. But, I think he did, but I just don't know what.
Fast forward like 4 hours, and Joe and I are laying in bed. I don't know what brought up the topic, but he asked me what my friends thought of him. And, I was like, they just tell me to do what I think is right and what makes me happiest, which isn't a lie. And he's like, really? They don't tell you I suck. And, because I'd had a few to drink, I was like, not it those words. And I told him they thought I deserved better. And I think we talked a little bit about it, and I kept saying I wish I hadn't brought it up because I didn't want him to push me away or to be mad at me, but then we did 'it' and we were ok.
This afternoon, we were laying in bed again, and he wanted to talk about last night's conversation again, and I was honest and told him my friends weren't completely in love with him because he made me cry, wasn't supportive when I needed him to be, and that he makes me stressed (I used three weekends ago with the whole RIch thing as an example of said stress). But, my main thing is that his friends love me because they see me and interact with me. They've gotten to know me. My friends only ever hear about Joe. They've never really hung out with him.
Well, then he tells me that every time he's asked me what my friends were doing, he was wanting to hang out with them. Or, I tell him after the fact that I hung out with them or as I'm doing it. And he's wanted the chances. He'd never seemed that interested, so I'd quit asking. But, at least he wants to try.
He said probably the sweetest, most accurate description of me anyone has ever done. He said,
You're sweet and kind. You get excited over little things, and that's infectious. People want to be around you because you're fun and it rubs off. But, you're naive about a lot of things because you haven't experienced a whole lot, yet. And that makes people want to protect you.
We also talked about what makes him unhappy. And you know how when people talk about shit that no one really cares about, but you pretend to care about it? Like, small talk? Joe hates small talk, and he's sick and tired of faking the fact that he cares. He just wants people to leave him alone.
And, I was telling him I wanted him to be happy, that I wanted to make him happy. I want to help him get better. But, I don't know how. And he was like, what's happy? Better at what? Help what? And I didn't really know what to say because I thought it was a rhetorical statement if anything. And, I was just like, You don't seem happy with your life, and I wish you could be. And he was like, are you happy with yours?
And, I was like, yes! I love my life. I'm happy 98% of the time. Sure, not everything goes my way. I don't have everything I've ever wanted, but I make the most out of what I have. And if I have something negative in my life, I cut it out. And he's like, what if it's people. I just don't want to be around people. So, I told him to stop being around people. And he was like, but when I do that, they all have to come to my rescue. So, I told him that it was only because it's different than what everyone is used to. It's not the norm.
He changed the topic to the dust on the ceiling after that, so that was all we got to talk about. Sigh. All I could think was, god I love you, but I almost wish you'd break up with me and save us both the heartache that I know will be coming in the future, and that's not healthy for a relationship at all.
Fuck.
