Last night, he texts me at midnight, waking me up, and says,
"I just can't be with people and pretend I'm ok anymore."
I said sorry because I wasn't sure what else to say, and he replies with it doesn't matter, he just has to like it or not. So, I told him I wish I could help, because I do. I'd give anything to be able to lift this burden he has to deal with every moment of his life. So then he says:
"You can't. I just want to be left alone... sigh."
I said sorry because I wasn't sure what else to say, and he goes,
"Me, too. I'm just spending everyday stressing out trying to be a boyfriend. And I don't think I'm cut out for it."
So, I'm like, you shouldn't have to be stressing out. You are who you are. Take ya or leave ya. I knew about your problems when we started dating. I never meant for it to cause you so much stress.
"I'm just not it... I try to explain but left feeling like I just need to try harder."
I apologized for making him feel that way. Then I asked what it meant for us; it sounded like he wanted to break up with me.
"I just want to be left alone and not sure what that means."
I told him he can't be dating someone and be left alone. I try to give him the space and alone time he needs, but if he needs more...
Then I told him I didn't want to push, but he needs to figure out if he wants to be alone more than he wants to be with me, it isn't fair to me to be drug along while he tries to figure it out.
"I agree with that... it's what I've been trying to tell you."
I was like, but you haven't figured out which yet, and he asked me to please not get aggressive. But that he's trying to figure it out. I said ok because I wasn't sure what else to say. Then I told him that what I didn't understand was that for 8 months he's been telling me he wanted to be alone. What is suddenly gonna change now?
He hasn't responded to the last part yet. (I sent it like a half hour after I said ok, so I'm assuming he feel asleep.
A part of me laid in bed and prayed he'd just break up with me, to get this all done and over with. I wanted to cry, but I refused to let the tears come.
I just don't know what to do now. I want to get this resolved. I don't want to wait a few weeks for him to figure this out.
