As the title says, I am not doing well right now. At all.
I feel like crying every time I think about Joe. And not necessarily because we broke up. I mean, yes, that is a big part of it. But, I always knew it was coming. What I am most upset about is that he's doing this for me so that I'll be happy. He's sacrificing his own happiness to make sure I get better than him. He told me last night that everyone he's ever dated married the person they dated after Joe. But that doesn't make me feel any better. I wanted him.
So, now I just am completely numb to everything except the tears when they just spring up.
I worked at the golf course with Joe last night. He wouldn't even look at me, let alone talk to me. I texted him after work and he told me it was hard to even look at me. It is just so awkward. I don't know if I want to keep working there if this will continue.
I just don't know what to do.
My appetite is gone. It is 9:02 Sunday morning. And I haven't eaten anything since noon on Friday. I have no ambition to do anything right now other than get dressed for work and then do my job. But, anytime I have to stop the golf cart and wait for players to get done on the greens or whatever, I just start spacing off, and they have to get my attention. That is unacceptable.
So, ya. That's where I am right now.
