I'm sure you guys have noticed the change in me better than anyone since I'm on here all the time.
But yesterday, I was texting a friend that I haven't seen since she graduated at the end of May. We text on and off all the time. Usually at least once a day. And she usually always texts me first. Not that I am bad at texting first, but lately with Joe and how sad I'm feeling, I don't have anything to text her about. I mean, I'm sad all the time. And I'm just now getting out of that. I'm getting better. But I don't want to talk to her about it when we do text because she has depression. I don't want to be complaining about the shit that happens to me to her when it's always the same old shit.
Well, last saturday I texted her something. And she was like, I was wondering when you'd text me first. And then she was asking me what was wrong. That I always seem so sad and serious now. I used to use smiley faces and exclamation points in my texts a lot, and in the past month, that's all stopped without me even realizing it until she said something.
I shrugged it off, thinking it was just because she hasn't seen me in over a month. But then I was talking to someone this week who I haven't talked to in months, and after a couple words, he asked me what was wrong, that I was texting him differently now.
So, then I got curious, so I asked a friend who I see all the time and text most if my texting style has changed. And she said yes. That she noticed I had gotten a lot more serious.
Great. So, I'd been trying to keep everything normal, but this sadness that's overcome me has taken over every part of me. Now, I have to make a conscious decision to sound more upbeat in my texts because I don't want to come across sad and serious. That's not who I was before all this, and it's who I want to be again.
Sigh.
