So, last night I had a terrible dream. It starts off with me at home with my parents. Only, our house is a giant mansion, which is nice in the dream. And I'm getting texts from a guy I went to school with, who months ago, sent me texts of the sexual kind and it came off really creepy and I didn't really want anything to do with him, and so we quit talking. So anyway, in my dream, he knew Joe and I broke up, so he was saying now the two of us could hook up. I didn't want to be with him because on Facebook it says he is in a relationship with someone, and he has at least one kid. (This is all true, too.) And in my dream, I thought he had been with a shit ton of women, and I was like, no, I don't want to get an STD. And he was so persistent. But, I said no, which was a big deal because I have such a problem with saying no.
Then, I'm running through corn fields and I wind up at my high school and run into some of my old basketball teammates and they tell me they are going to Sioux Falls, where I'm living now, for a tournament and asked if I wanted to come play. Of course, I said yes.
Our hotel was like my apartment, and I had to room with Sam. We put our stuff away and left. Somehow, I met up with Joe and was bringing him back up to the room, only when we walk in, the room has all the guys that have a crush on me in it: Dylan, Richard, Chris, Woody (Who is the only one in the group who doesn't actually have a crush on me), Flynn, and this guy I had never seen but whose name is Derek. But when I walk in, I see Rich and wince because Joe and I were keeping our 'relationship' a secret from him, and here he saw the both of us together with no way out of it. Rich won't even look at me, and I feel guilty about it for a second before I just walk over him and Joe and I sit on the bed. Chris is trying to talk to me, but then Joe reaches over and pulls me into him and we start making out. And I can remember in my dream, Chris was like, "Oh, so that's your boyfriend." And Joe never stopped.
Well, then my phone goes off. The game is starting, and I felt conflicted because I was supposed to be hosting Joe here and I had to give him a ride home and he'd be stuck in a very awkward spot dealing with all these guys, and I didn't think it would be right of me to leave him there, but I really wanted to go play basketball. So, I went.
I played so awesome, I was the best on the team, and I was doing so well. I'm a very physical, aggressive player. Towards the end of the game, two of the girls came up to me and told me that with how physical of a player I am, I shouldn't coach kids. (It's my dream to coach my own kids in basketball when they get old enough. And everyone knows it). They were saying how I'd never be as good of a coach as my dad and that I'd just fail and there'd be no point.
Those words literally crushed me. I couldn't breathe, and I was so mad. I didn't even finish the game. I wanted to cry, and then to top it off, when I get back to the apartment, everyone is gone. Joe included. He had been the only one I wanted to see. I needed him, and he was gone. I had no one. I was all alone.
Then, I went on a drive to try and find Joe, and I kept calling him, but somehow, his phone ended up in the car, and I was so worried he'd never get his phone. Then I woke up.
This dream dealt with so many of my insecurities, it's insane.
