My friend from high school that I'm reconnecting with also has depression. Or a small case of it. He's a lot more happy and upbeat than the other people in my life that are depressed, but I only talk to him via text, so it's easy to hide depression that way.
And this got me really thinking. All but a handful of people in my life are depressed. All these new people I meet tend to be depressed. And I can't figure out why. Like, can't I meet people who aren't depressed? And a coworker said that she thinks my calling in life is to help these people. They need positive people in their lives, and I'm it. And my friend told me that they're attracted to my positive attitude.
And that gets me thinking even more. I mean, I've been kinda raped, sexually molested as a kid by my cousin, emotionally and psychologically abused, had my dad go through cancer twice, got the thing I loved most ripped out from under me. Three times. I had to drop out of school. Had my heart broken. Had friends killed. Family members I was close to died.
All of which are triggers for people I know that have gone into depression. But I never did. And why is that? I had a positive force in my life. My mom was that for me growing up. She did everything and anything in her power to make her kids happy. I didn't have many friends in high school, but I had one I could tell anything. In college, I met the best friends in the whole wide world.
But even if I didn't have that, it's my will to stay happy. I've been sad and upset, and I don't like it. I want to be happy and stay happy. So much so that I refuse to let anything take that happiness away from me. I mean, obviously people took my happiness away, but with time, I could see that by staying sad and hurt, I was making it worse. I was letting them win.
My friend was listing off all the things that weren't going well in his life. And the things weren't good. They weren't things you could just brush off and tell him to suck it up like some people tend to think when someone complains. He went on to say that he didn't think he'd ever be really happy again.
And I had to stop him right there. As bleak as things may be right at this moment, as scared as you may be for the future, as traumatizing as your life has been, as much as you have been denied what you want and think you deserve, things will get better. I promise you. It might not be tomorrow. It might not even be six months from now. But it will happen. But you have to work for it, too. It's not just going to fall in your lap.
You have to get up in the morning and think positive thoughts. And if you can't do that, find that positive force in your life that, even if it's for a split second, makes you feel good, and cling to it. Believe people when they extend a compliment. They wouldn't say it if they didn't mean it.
Life is never easy. It's hectic and messy and full of bad stuff. But it's also full of wonderful miracles, too. It's the perspective you look at things with that changes all that. Life will never stop being hard. But the more hardships you go through, the more prepared you'll be when something doesn't go your way and the easier things will come for you.
Life is like a curve. Sometimes you're on the bottom and the hole your in is so deep you can't see the light at the top. But, it's there. Just keep moving and you'll get there. And if you need a helping hand, talk to me. I will help you get there. I can't do it for you. But, I can help guide you in the right direction. I've been through the dark chasm. I have clawed my way out. And I might fall in another pit. But, I know I'll find the light again. You have to believe you will, too.
Please talk to me if you want or need help. Asking for help isn't a weakness. It takes courage and strength to ask for help.
