I don't know about you guys, but it has been a long week for me. Not necessarily in things being done, but it's been very trying emotionally.

Tuesday, Joe texts me to tell me that his best friend Annie's (the one that last February, I found out through Rich- Joe's roommate who was in love with me- that Joe had left out the fact that Joe and Annie had slept together before he met me. They both know Annie's in love with Joe, and they both know that Joe doesn't return the feelings. Well, last year, when I found out about Joe and Annie, that made me apprehensive about them hanging out, and when I told Joe that, he got all dramatic and said he'd never see her again and blah blah. Five minutes later, he tells me Annie might have cancer. I saw her that summer. She didn't have cancer. I think she lied about it to keep Joe in her life because I wasn't about to let him ignore her if she really was going through cancer. And that turned me off on Annie, and makes me not really like her. Not to mention the fact that I couldn't work at the other golf course so that Joe and I could be public because she would have been my direct boss and Joe couldn't guarantee that she wouldn't resent me. Like what the fuck? It's my fault Joe chose me over her? No. So I just don't trust her) mom may be dying. And he doesn't know what of. And that threw up some red flags. First of all, if they are such good friends, why didn't she tell him what her mom may or may not be dying from? Or why didn't he ask? I feel like it's prettying important to know. And may be dying? They don't know? And he's like, I offered to buy her plane ticket back home but she wouldn't accept it. If she's not going to go home, that makes me really feel like it's not all that important. But maybe she'll go home with her own money? Who knows. Haven't heard about that, yet.
I'll admit, though, I got a little jealous about that because Joe can't even pay for one of my beers, but he'll buy Annie a fucking plane ticket? What about that time I was stranded in Vegas because my friends and I missed our flight and I had to call him to book the flight for me since we didn't have internet, and he never offered to pay for my ticket then. Granted, no one was dying then, and the circumstances are drastically different, but I just get the feeling that he treats Annie better than he does me.
My friends think that he treats her better than me, too, and that I should leave him, but I don't know about that, yet. I was so set on it, too, but I was gonna give him a few days to work over the Annie's mom thing.

But he wanted to hang out last night, like go out, and we haven't done that in so long that I said yes. Most of it was him venting to me about how horrible his life is. And the things he was telling me about would frustrate anyone. I can't imagine going through what he's dealing with. And he doesn't know how to make things better in his life, and he's just lost. I have no idea how to help him. It's not really something someone else can help him with. He's got to figure it out on his own, and he doesn't know how, and I don't know how to help. It sucks.

But we got drunk and had a decent time in the end. I drove us back to his place.

I should mention that yesterday, I stopped at an adult superstore (porn store) and bought some sexy lingerie. I love what I bought. I think it looks great on me. It's purple and black with lace and bows and ugh. My kind of thing. I didn't tell Joe about what I got, he thought I was getting something else. And so I put that on for Joe when we got back to his place, and it was kind of cute, because I had to turn the light back on and I just kind of stood there not sure what to do. I've never worn anything like that before. And he just pulled me to him and he basically ravaged me. It was great. And he wanted to video tape it on his phone. And I'm iffy about doing that kind of thing. I trust him and I'm not worried about him doing something with it. But I just never know how to act. Do I look at the camera? Do I play up everything? What. So we basically recorded everything we did, and I know he really liked it, and I was okay with it, and when we were all done, we're laying there, and he's like, you didn't like that. And I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about, of course I did. And he's like, I'm talking about the video. I'll delete it, and I told him he didn't have to. And he just was being difficult about it and was so adamant about it that he got up and went and deleted it, and I was pissed because I was hoping to watch it all then and see what we had all taped. And he doesn't listen to me. And I told him that he's got to quit thinking that he always knows what I'm thinking, and he's like, okay. And turned his back on me. This morning was awkward because we slept in until 11:30 and I left while he was in the shower without much of a goodbye. I mean, he knew I was gonna leave, but it was just weird.

Also, yesterday and most of today, our assistant golf pro, B, has been texting me. All innocent enough. Just talking about anything and everything. But it's just weird because we've known each other for over a year, and this is the first time we've really talked. Not sure if there's an ulterior motive or not.