I need some major encouragement right now, guys.
I finally decided enough was enough and broke up with Joe. It was something i needed to do 2 years ago. And I know eventually I'll feel like it was a good decision, but right now I feel like absolute shit, and I need some positivity.
I did it over text, which I know is the coward's way to 'break up' with someone, but I knew if i didn't do it over text, I'd chicken out in person. I told him I just felt like my life was at a standstill, that I just feel like I'm waiting on Joe to decide what's going to happen with us/me. And I'm done waiting. I have my own life I want to lead, and I can't move on if I'm constantly waiting on someone. I told him I didn't want to stay over or do anything physical. And he told me he wanted to delete all of my contact info so he doesn't get tempted to call or text. I told him that I didn't want to be deleted out of his life, and he told me I can't have it both ways. I apologized for hurting him and told him this was the hardest decision I ever had to make.
And he said stop and then sent me a long text that said: "I've told you for years you should leave me so I get that... it sucks it hurts but I get it...Text though... that's pretty shitty... I can't be around you if this is your decision because it will hurt too much and make me upset so it really sucks. You couldn't give me an actual goodbye. Especially since I've told you how many times how much I hate text and refuse to do it for important shit. But that's is how it is... the last time I saw you I didn't know it was the last time... that's sad too, I won't try for things you no longer want. So good luck with everything Nikki.. truly... I will always regret that I wasn't better... and again I will delete this conversation and contact info so."
And I told him if he wanted to meet in person we could. But I wouldn't have been able to say any of this in person; I would have lost my nerve. I feel terrible doing it the way that I did, but I didn't know how else to do it and ensure I went through with it. I didn't know the last time we were together would be our last time either. And I was also a little put off by how much he was so upset about the texting part. I mean, I understand that it sucks, but he broke up with me three times over text and only talked to me in person when I begged him to do so. So why is it not okay that I do it, but he can?
Then he told me good luck, and I told him the same and said sorry for hurting him. and he said, "You could've not texted it to me." I've explained why I did and offered to meet up in person. I regret how I did it. I am truly sorry. He said if I wanted to meet up then to come over and say it. I said if that's what he wanted, I would and asked if he wanted me to come over now. and he says "or not... forget it." And I just said I would come again. I don't understand where the forget it part comes when I offered to do so.
The longer this conversation goes on, the more pissed off I get about it.
But I am still extremely sad, but I know it was something that needed to be done. I bawled like a baby on the way home and in the shower. I feel awful. I need some cheering up.
