Thou shall not force thy religion upon any other member of Akatsuki.
Hidan came into the common room on what was becoming an increasingly common morning. Zetsu was in the corner, mumbling to himself. Kakuzu was sitting at the kitchen table, organizing the Akatsuki’s financial records and muttering a cuss word every now and then. Sasori was on a couch under a black blanket reading his favorite book. Itachi sat beside him with an upside-down newspaper. Deidara and Tobi were wrestling over the television remote in the floor in front of Sasori and Itachi’s couch. Kisame was in the kitchen sitting across from Kakuzu, eating his breakfast. Pein and Konan were the only pair off on a mission.
“Seeemmmmppaaaaaiii!!” Tobi wailed. “Tobi wants to watch POKEMON!!” Deidara shoved Tobi away from him with his right foot. “No, baka! We’re watching Avatar: the Last Airbender, un!” Tobi begin to cry. “No, I hate that show! It’s dumb!” Deidara looked at Tobi and stated, “Not as dumb as you are, un!” before jumping up and holding the remote high above his head. Suddenly, Sasori’s foot shot out from under the blanket, kicking Deidara at the base of his spine. “Give that masked nuisance the remote NOW!! I’ve read this same damn sentence FIVE TIMES, baka!” Deidara began to protest, but promptly found himself staring at the poisoned tip of one of Sasori’s needles.
Hidan could take it no longer. These fools! Did they not understand that they were all showing blatant disrespect to Jashin-sama?! “YOU FUCKING FOOLS!!! DO YOU NOT FUCKING UNDERSTAND THAT YOU ARE ALL FUCKING SHOWING BLATANT DISRESPECT TO JASHIN-SAMA?!” he thundered. Everyone stopped what they were doing, except for Tobi, who was happily flipping through the channels to find his favorite show. “Deidara! Make his happy fucking ass pay attention!” Hidan shouted, pointing at Tobi. The blond did what he was told.
Kakuzu and Kisame came into the room, having heard the Jashinist’s outburst from the kitchen. “Now that you are all paying attention, I will show you how to properly start your day. The morning prayer to Jashin-sama!” Hidan began the ritual. Everyone followed, except for Itachi. Hidan noticed and asked, “Itachi? Why in fucking Hell are you not doing the fucking morning prayer?” Kisame raised his hand. “What, Kisame?” Hidan questioned angrily. “Well, Hidan, sir, Itachi’s blind, so he can’t see what you’re doing.” Hidan looked from Kisame to Itachi, then back to Kisame. “Then go fucking help him, fucking moron!” he yelled.
Two days later, Pein and Konan returned to find everyone mutilated in the living room. “HIDAN!!!” he thundered. “WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN DOING?! EVERYONE’S BLEEDING TO DEATH!!!” Hidan smiled up at the leader. “I converted them!” he chirped. “DO YOU KNOW HOW LONG IT IS GOING TO TAKE TO FIX ALL THESE MORONS?!” Pein roared. “Not to mention the expense of the hospital bills,” Kakuzu added.
