It's been a little while since I got out of school. That was a weird feeling, I won't lie, seeing kids I've been with for four years take that walk across the stage. A few yards, and a million miles at the same time. It's like.. too hard to put into words. But it was crazy.

I start house-sitting next week. I'm really excited. It's an opportunity to get out of my house, which is just a little tense at the moment. And to kind of.. live by myself, get used to being on my own (at least for a little while, cuz you know I'm stealing you, butterfly). And to make some money for myself. I'm not going to lie, I think I miss the independence of making my own money. I liked it.

So I'm kind of in a funk right now. Half the time I want to be treated as an adult. I'm nearly 18, and I hate the condescending looks I get when I stand up for something important to me. My intended career... I really want to be a clinical psychologist maybe for children.. or a welfare agent for the adoption agencies. It's important to me, the idea of being able to help someone, maybe make a difference for them, for children who can't stand up for themselves is what I want. But the answers I get are do you know what you're getting into? or you know, that's a hard job. I get that it's difficult. I want that push. It's worth it to work my ass off to help someone. I don't see why I can't have a goal like that. I want to minor in photography. It's art. Art fulfills me just as much as helping people, but it's silly too. RAWR. It bugs me.

And then there are the times where I feel like pulling the covers over my head and not facing the world. I'm only 17 man. I don't feel like an adult. I feel like I still have so far to go before I'm making decisions for myself, before I'm in control of things.

Basically, I'm caught between feeling like I know what's going on and having a handle on everything, and feeling like the world is spinning out of control, like i woke up one morning and all of a sudden, I was grown. It's wonky and driving me crazy.

/end-rant ^.^
-Lolita