Hey everyone! Just more little under 10 minute ramblings here.
BTW, I'm still in shelter but things are going really well, a lot of housing related things are coming up for me so I'm very positive that I will have my own place very soon! I've been working my ASS off on this so I'm happy to see a lot of my hard work finally paying off.
Anywaysss...
For just about as long as I've been posting my art online and been in the anime art community, I've been obsessed with (like many of my artist peers) with success, being popular. In fact, as I stated so many times over the years, my self esteem and confidence in my art has been really low more times than not and I've been trying to elevate that problem with bettering my skills via working harder. Long story short, even though I have bettered my skill over the years through that work, I still (even now) feel, keeping it simple, not that great about "myself as an artist."
And when it comes down to it, I can either, continue thinking and doing the same very thing or decide to change gears. I REALLY REALLY want to change gears, and all the cleansing I've been doing concerning other people's problems, getting my own life together and been looking at my own growth and what I want to do in my life, I want to be the artist I've always been. Not the one that I "wanted to be" or thought I should be, or the artist that other people liked. I just want to be true to myself, and I'm an artist and I do the arts.
None of which has anything to do with how other people perceive or think of me or my work. Which is the very reason for my plight in my purpose in life, which is fucking draining as shit. But with all the healing and piecing myself together that I'm doing, I feel that it's time to truly heal "this" part of my life too. And simply go where the feel good is, and when I just let myself do what it is that I love to do naturally, it feels really fucking good.
Now actually getting into the swing of things of sitting and DOING THE ART, that's another story but you get the point. I got 2 mintues on this computer, talk to you all soon!
