No Sad Feelings
“Hey, what’s up?”
Her voice on the other end sounded normal. Happy, if you will. She’s always happy. I felt a twinge of guilt for what I was about to say.
“Listen…we need to talk.” I said carefully. I had rehearsed it in my room last night in front of the mirror. Just say those five words…
“Alright!” she exclaimed. I could hear a ‘flop’ on the other side of the phone. She must’ve jumped down onto her couch or something. Maybe her bed…
Before I could speak, her voice interrupted the silence. “I know what this is about.” She said cheerily. “You don’t need to say it. But hey, since we need to be formal about this kind of thing, go ahead.”
I was stunned. I mustered up my voice. “Yeah. I want to break up.” My voice was quiet, and I hoped that she hadn’t heard me. But, of course, she had.
“Sure, okay. I knew it was bound to happen.” There was no change in her voice. I tried to picture her face…I couldn’t.
“Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow, then!” she said cheerily. I could hear the click ads her cell phone hung up.
I stood in my room, unmoving, the phone still in my hand. It seemed as if she didn’t’ care. As if she was happy about it. Then again, she always sounded happy.
We hadn’t been going out that long--she was trying to make me smile the entire time. Doing silly things. Trying to hold my hand.
She admitted to me that she was lonely a lot of the time. She told me a lot of things, including the fact that she loved me.
Was that a lie? Was it all just to get me to love her back?
I’m betting that when I see her again, she’ll be smiling, and calling my name, asking me to walk her home, annoying me, and just being...her. As if nothing had happened. As if the time we were ‘together’ had been erased.
But she’s probably crying right now. I know she’s crying right now. She doesn’t lie to herself. Her feelings were real. I know it. She doesn’t lie--even if she does take advantage of how I say things every once in awhile. I felt guilty about it...making her cry...but it just wasing working. We weren’t working.
I finally mustered up enough sense to hang up the phone. It wasn’t too difficult to break up with her.
She acted as if she had no sad feelings.
