My god.
Dianna told us tonight that at the recital there was no way she could make sure none of the kids had any food backstage. It just isn't possible.
AND she's acting like what we had to do with Rachel was a personal grudge thing and we are acting like brats.
.............................
Tyler and Leo are acting more adult like than the damn "adults"
I can't believe how childish Dianna is being! My god are we three years old again?!
Tyler and Leo said they would search the kids to make sure there wasn't any food.

If the "kids" can take this seriously why the hell can't the adults?
I'm terrified that I'll have a reaction sunday night at the recital. When I have a reaction I have to stay in the ER for 4-6 HOURS and then when I get to go home I have to be woken up every 4 hours for more meds. And then it take me 5-10 days to get completly better.
And that if the reaction isn't very bad.
Not to mention how sore I am from the damn shots and I.Vs
Then dealing with the damn side affects from the meds. The one medication makes me very puffy and I have to take a super high dose and slowly back it down to nothing. the other medication makes me extremely hungry and tired. And I mean tired, as in can't even hold a book up tired.

DAmnit!! This isn't fair!! Mom was ready to pull me out of the recital because of the danger but I refuse. Yes I'm a stubborn brat. But damnit! We put a lot of work into our demonstration! Leo made about 4 different fights scenes before he settled on one (and he still adds a few little things about every practice)
I'm so scared. I don't want to go through another reaction. My throat hurts so much afterwards that all I can eat is some soup, ice cream and mac and cheese.
Not to mention I's have to back on the nebulizer for the chest pain I just got to the point I don't need the damn nebulizer. Plus mom used all my meds.
And that another thing! I'm so sick I always forget to take my regular meds so then I'm thrown completely off course and have to go through days of horrible non stop pain!

I have a sick feeling something very bad will happen sunday
DAMNIT DAMNIT DAMNIT!! I CAN NOT HAVE ANOTHER FUCKING REACTION!!!!!
I have to re-arrange my room and Nacht's room cause he's getting a new bed tomorrow or the day after so I have to figure out how the hell to fit my desk in my room (its currently in Nacht's room cause my bookscase's take up so much space)

Damn it all to hell!! I have stuff to do!! Were still painting the upstairs and I refuse to miss out on that! Not to mention I've taken over all the laundry cause I don't like the way everyone else does it (they fold everything wrong and I always end up missing clothes and the sort the laundry completely wrong) plus I have to shampoo the carpet in the family room, hall, back hall, and possibly Nacht's room again. ANd I have to shampoo the couch. All of that is MY JOB and I HATE it when I have to have someone else do my job! It drives me crazy!

God damn it I'm so scared. What the hell do I do now? I can't let every on the karate team down. Especialy not after all that work we put into it!
God I don't know what the hell to do now. I'm so freaked out I can't even think straight. There's no way I'm sleeping tonight. And that another thing, my last reaction was bad. Really bad. So bad that I refused to sleep with the lights off for WEEKS. Actually it was proabaly about a month later I could sleep with the lights off but I had to have two lamps in my room on all night. And yes. I slept with all my plushies and my teddy bear. Fucking 19 years old and refused to sleep without my stuffed animals and nightlights. And if that wasn't bad enough I had to carry at least 1 plushie in my bag wherever I went. How pathetic is that?
Okay. I'm just going to go get some cookies and an icepack for my eye and start re-arranging my room tonight.
Yeah. that sounds good. Moving hundreds of books might calm me down a bit.