To the three winners of my contest I am deeply sorry for the slow arrival of your prizes. It's been a extremly busy work time. I didn't even realize how busy it would end up being. So I'm late doling out your winnings and I apologize and ask for your forgiveness. I shall be working on them this week now that things have calmed a bit. Feel free to message me with any questions or concerns.
I wanted to write you; for you; about you.
But I didn't know how to start.
There's to much to say; want to say; never say.
About the feelings I have in my heart.
I wanted to say I want you; need you; love you.
But it all sounded so overdone.
How to put into words; strong words; real words.
That explain you're the only one.
I wanted to give you something; anything; everything.
But I don't know how much to give.
To me you've given support; patiance; passion.
The best gift was helping me live.
So for all that you've done; have done; will do.
This is how I show you I care.
This was a love poem; a letter; a thought.
To thank you for always being there.
{Dedicated to my boyfriend Joe}
This is where the line is drawn.
Where we come to our end.
After all you've done to me,
I have to forget you were my friend.
I'll bear the scars you gave forever.
Etched always in my skin.
And your voice will ever haunt me;
as a ghost that lives within.
I loved you; now I hate you.
I coveted; now I despise.
Because now I see through you.
Through your best disguise.
You acted like you needed me.
When what you wanted was compliance.
Now here I am; just barely alive.
Kept up by my own defiance.
Even now I know you're watching.
You never planned to let me go.
One day you'll finish what you started.
But when I just can't know.
And I almost wish you'd do it.
Move in at last for the kill.
Because you know that you want too.
And I know that you will.
And I see no point in running.
Now that everything feels so wrong.
Since you tore yourself into me,
my heart and soul seem gone.
And if we destroy each other,
our lives can be at peace at last.
No longer will my friends be burdened
with the memories of my past.
So take this invitation.
And come for me if you dare.
Because once I was afraid of you.
But now I just don't care.
This is where I draw the line.
And one of us meets our end.
Becasue after all you've done to me,
you could never remain my friend.
This may be reality. Or it could be fiction, one never knows. She just walks the darkned streets, thinking. Always thinking. Of what it would be like if she wasn't who she was. Though, trust me, she has no wants or intentions of being anyone else. It's just an after thought really.
Now there she stands, silent. A pale skinned shadow, knowing everything and nothing about the place she's in. Just staring towards the empty space between her and eternity. The ground below is far, far away. Lights twinkle both above and below. Burning brightly together. They have everything in their worlds. The sky is filled, cramped even with those fiery entities. They have each other to turn to, you can hardly tell when one blows out. Perhaps, thinking again, the stars know how she feels right now.
She looks over her life inside her mind. People came and went. Men came and went. Once, twice. She was only ever serious with the one and he broke her. Took great pleasure in doing so as a matter of fact. It's been three years since she's realy thought of that. And then there was that time that she most wants to forget. But it's burned into her mind and scarred on her skin. That's a nightmare she just can't escape from. She still feels him on top of her, breaking her, bleeding her. It's almost like a picture of someone else's life. She was someone else once. But that's not who she is now or ever will be again.
Turning away from the edge, stumbling back to the world below. She walks the streets, dark and solid. She's thinking, always thinking of what it would be like if someone wanted to hold her now? Hug her close to themselves. What would they be thinking? Nothing, most likely. There is no one like that for her now. But she is strong. Smart. Independent. She doesn't mind. {Keep in mind, she loves who she is. She will not take second seat with herself again. Not for anyone else.} She's used to this by now... She's alone. She's so alone. And it seems she doesn't know how to be anything else.
This is a part of her fiction. Or it could be reality, one never knows.
Open my eyes to eternity.
Frozen deep within my mind.
Treasure not meant for you.
That I can't seem to find.
Look how much we've lost again.
Sanity is a reflection on glass.
Can't seem to get a grip.
Brace yourself and it will pass.
And isn't that just another lie?
No solid ground on which to stand.
I'm drowning now in mirrored waters.
Though I swear to God I was on land.
This whole system is faulty.
Repercussions the most painful of all.
But don't worry; it's all okay.
You're only broken once you fall.
My vision has been distorted.
The emotions in my heart polluted.
How can I find myself again?
Now everything is so dilluted.
