Solana
★☽★☾★☽★☾★☽★☾★☽★☾★
Just as a bit of a preface 1)sorry that Solana is so... ah... emotionally distressed... in this. I hate having pathetic characters, but it just kinda... happened that way... She'll be better next time, I promise!! 2)Everclear is a really potent alcohol (I did my research xD ). As in, extremely flammable. As in, a shot of it is enough to rip your throat raw. Yeah, it's bad. Just so you know what goes on toward the end. 3) SORRY FOR THE LENGTH OH GOODNESS. I CAN'T HELP IT. 4)The backstory included was relayed to me from Saber-chan; I didn't just make it up. I wouldn't take another character's past into my own hands! I pretty much just retold the basic details of it. :3
And, with that, I give you Solana's post! <3
★☽★☾★☽★☾★☽★☾★☽★☾★
Shattered. Oh, God, it felt as though my heart had been smashed to pieces, torn from my chest, and drained of all its life-sustaining abilities. I knew it was pathetic, that I shouldn’t have expected so much, but why did things have to go so terribly wrong?
It had been a fantasy, a fairy tale I’d envisioned. The damsel in distress, played by me, and the knight in shining armor, played by Ace, would fall in love and live the rest of their lives in harmony.
What a stupid, immature dream. Fairy tales didn’t exist, and neither did happy endings.
I guess that’s what I deserved for allowing myself to trust someone again. Even since my brother had passed, I had learned the hard way that everyone lied, everyone disappointed you. Trusting others was nothing more than a mistake. God knew the last time I did that... I was deceived. Betrayed. Abused. Violated.
I shuddered, wrapping the quilt around me tighter to chase away the chill of my memories. For the past few days, I’d stayed dormant in my room, embracing the frigid air and the companionship of my animals. But even their company couldn’t make up for the hole I felt in my heart.
Why did I feel as though it was meant to be? Maybe I was just naive and stupid, but I believed it to be the honest truth. If only Ace could see it, too.
A knock at my door, sent me into a panic before I managed to relax, swaddling myself in the fabric as I rose. My breath visible, I took a moment or two to overcome the wave of vertigo that swarmed over me. Since I hadn’t left my room in quite awhile, I hadn’t eaten or drank anything in that time period. Bad planning on my part, but, to be honest, it hadn’t been important. It still wasn’t. Not anymore.
When I reached the door, tugging it open, a blue form nearly knocked me to the ground, her grin wide and enthusiastic.
“Solana! Why’ve you been up here the entire weekend? I mean, everyone has been worried, well, I mean, the people you know and have actually talked to and I mean... everyone has been wondering what you’ve been up to!” she exclaimed, rushing past me and plopping onto my bed. After I shut the door and she stared at me for a moment or two, her smile faded. “You look really sick. Haven’t you eaten anything? Have you just stayed in here the entire time? I kinda figured you left at some point, but...”
“I’ve been in here since after we left the tea party,” I confirmed, my voice monotonous. “Well... not counting when I was downstairs yesterday... even though that was just to get some water.” Even to me, my voice sounded hollow, more so than usual. Pathetic. Her eyes went wide.
“Solana... what happened to you? What did Ace do?” she queried, seeming concerned as she rose, her words no longer obnoxious and rushed.
“Nothing. Nothing important. Don’t worry.” Though I knew I did a horrid job of selling myself, I hoped she’d believe it.
“Why are you lying?” she asked softly, pouting. “You can trust me.” There it was again. That word. Trust. Did it really mean anything? Did anyone see its true definition? I did. But, after everything I’d been put through, I no longer saw it as a real thing.
Fool me once, shame on you. Those sick b*st*rds in New Jersey. I’d never forgive them. I couldn’t. I’d tried. What they did to me when I was just eight years old was... too horrible for words. Fool me twice, shame on me. Ace... Why did you lead me on like that? Or did I just imagine it? I sincerely had believed there’d been something... Was I that wrong? Fool me three times... No. Never again. I refuse to be the victim ever again.
“Kateri, leave me alone,” I ordered, my tone brisk and commanding. Her expression of shock told me she hadn’t been expecting that response.
“What?”
“I said, leave me alone!” I repeated, throwing open the door. For a moment, she just stared, wondering if my words were indicative of a joke. I guess the truth came as a surprise to her.
They weren’t.
With a frown, she nodded, sliding past me into the hallway.
“Don’t be like this, Solana,” she ordered gently, and, in response, I averted my eyes, shutting the door on her. Her voice still carried through. “Don’t hide. Don’t lie. You can trust me, Solana.”
“No... I can’t,” I muttered as her footsteps drifted away, leaving me in silence. Stifling the sob that built in my throat, I shambled back to my bed and crawled into it, curling into a tight ball.
The next few hours passed in a blur. My pointless sorrow consumed my day, forcing me to wallow in self pity like a modern, pathetic Juliet. Only this story wasn’t because of love. It was because of heartbreak, misunderstanding, and disappointment.
It was still pitiful beyond belief. I hated myself for feeling so vulnerable and moronic.
Throughout the hours I spent in my room, a few knocks attempted to disrupt my time.
Acacia, her knocking rapid and loud, called to me about an hour after Kateri had vanished.
“Solana, petite fée, you asked me to help you write a chanson. Would you like to get to work?” Her voice sliced through the wood, strangely polite.
“Not right now. Just go,” I answered, finding my voice. Muttering, she did as I instructed, saying something about a ”salope paresseuse” under her breath.
Later, Akira made a surprise visit, attempting to barge into my room without my permission as usual.
“You need to come out. Now. This is ridiculous.” Like always, her voice had been abrasive and inconsiderate.
“You don’t understand. You can’t tell me what to do.”
“Whatever. Like I really give a d*mn,” she spat. “Waste away in here for all I care. I’m just trying to help.”
“You’re doing a lousy job,” I mumbled, her eyes perking up.
“What did you say?” she demanded, stepping closer to my bed. I felt no fear. While it was refreshing, it was also... terrifying.
“You heard me, Akira. Don’t act otherwise.” Her eyes burning, she moved so she stood above me, forcing me to stare at her with an iron grip as she clutched the front of my shirt.
“What’s the matter with y—”
“Akira, there’s a bit of a... situation down here with the guys and...” a frantic voice called from down the hall, the trembling Karin obviously the owner. “There’s arguing and... and alcohol and... and other stuff.” Rolling her eyes, Akira clenched her jaw. “Please help!” Akira sighed, releasing her hold. In response, I turned back onto my side.
“I’ll send someone up later. Don’t be a hermit, Solana. It isn’t good for any of us.” With that, she sprinted out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
Though she had only been trying to help in her own, kind of rude way, it had just made me feel worse.
She never did send someone up. Guess she didn’t care all that much. That wasn’t much of a surprise.
Only when the moon was high, its light peeking through the curtains of my room, did I finally rise from my bed, shuffling over to the window and leaning against the frame.
It was so beautiful, the clear night sky. Beautiful, serene, cold. If only I could appreciate it.
After sending a quick glance at the alarm clock on my nightstand, the numbers blinking as they changed to read 12:10 AM, I shrugged off the quilt, donning my tattered coat to replace it. The crisp, fall air wasn’t deterred by the tightly-closed windows as it cut through my flesh, chilling me to the bone. Even so, it didn’t phase me. My mind was elsewhere.
Once I’d managed to make my way downstairs, miraculously avoiding everyone else for once, I tiptoed to the kitchen. As I snuck past the living room, I couldn’t help but hear the conversation between two of the newest additions, Violette and Locke. No, I hadn’t cordially met them as of yet, but, since word spread quickly, I’d heard plenty.
“But Loooocke!” the girl was whining, her lips puckered as she attempted a puppy dog face. Fearing she would spot me, I froze in my tracks, my destination—the kitchen—just ten feet away. Ten feet that would get me caught. “Why do you always act like the boss of me?”
“Because I am. I’m just looking out for you, you know that,” he sighed, shaking his head. “I thought we already covered this. It isn’t important anymore.” With a huff, Violette glowered at him, crossing her arms over her chest.
“All I want is—” He cut her off.
“You want a relationship? Vi, you’re sixteen. Seriously, it isn’t that big of a deal.”
“To you,” she countered, turning away. Though I had never met her and didn’t know anything about her situation, my heart went out to the girl.
“Vi, stop it. Please. This is ridiculous,” Locke insisted with a groan, running a hand through his hair. “I don’t want you to get hurt, and I can’t see you get mixed in with all the drama that seems to be in this club.” Reluctant, she sighed, bringing her stare back to the boy.
“I know. Sorry.”
“Come on; it’s late. You should get to bed.” While she attempted to glare at him, a yawn swept over her, a laugh following after.
Once they ascended the stairs, leaving me behind on the first floor, alone with my thoughts, I crept into the kitchen, flipping on the nearest lightswitch. For a second or two, the light blinded me, but, as my eyes grew accustomed to it, I snuck over to the bottom cabinet beside the fridge, cracking the door open and kneeling before it.
Dozens of bottles of clear, potent liquids were stored there, the majority of which seemed brand new. Kuroshiro’s doing, no doubt. Trembling, I reached in, clutching the neck of the closest container labeled Everclear and drawing it out.
Well, it works for the others... I swallowed, unscrewing the top. Maybe it’ll work for me... After sniffing it timidly, I discovered that there was no scent, much like water. It’s worth a shot. Since I obviously couldn’t handle my emotions on my own, I had to find something else, a release. An escape.
Trying to quell the shaking of my hands, I brought the bottle to my lips, my heart ramming against my ribcage as it neared. Energy pulsed through my veins, exhilaration and terror coursing all over my body. Having never tried alcohol, not just because my age but also because of my brother’s morals, I wasn’t sure what to expect.
I took a cautious sip, swallowing only a teaspoon’s worth. As soon as the liquid ran down my throat, I had to fight not to throw the bottle away. Agonized, I bit back my cries, clamping my lips shut and leaning onto the island in the center of the kitchen. Though a single tear escaped my eye, the pain soon dispersed.
And I understood.
After all this time, I had never been able to understand why people could stand to drink something they claimed was painful or how they could bear to injure themselves. Now, I knew.
Despite the fact that my throat felt raw, as though it’d been scalded from the inside out, my mind was clearer, my emotions numbed. It was... a relief.
Thirsty for more, even with my insides begging me to stop, I lifted the bottle higher, prepared to drink as much as possible.
Hey, if that little swallow could nullify my emotions that much, think about what half a bottle could do! What the heck, maybe even the whole thing!
As my lips caressed the opening of the bottle, a shadow entered the room, followed by an all too familiar head of honey hair, two long ears peeking from the follicles. When his eyes locked on me, he stopped, appearing confused.
“Solana?” Ace questioned, brows raised. Then, his gaze drifted to the bottle in my hands, my motion having halted the instant I spotted him.
Less than two seconds passed before he was at my side, wrenching the liquid from my grasp and grabbing my wrists, his eyes wide and frantic.
“What’s the matter with you?” he demanded, slamming the bottle down on the island, some of the alcohol splashing onto the marble. Fearful, I struggled in his hold, attempting to escape.
“What’s the matter with you?” I countered, giving up. He blinked, brows furrowed.
“Solana, do you even know what you were doing? You don’t drink! If you’d have drank anymore of that... that poison, you could have died!” Stunned, I met his eyes with a stoic stare.
“What do you care?”
“What?” His word was loud, commanding, and, out of habit, I flinched.
“What does it concern you?” I clarified, yanking my hands from him, now that his grip had loosened.
“Are... are you serious?”
“Can’t you tell?” For some reason, I felt no regret in speaking to him in such an unkind way.
“I...”
“No!” I interjected, a sudden surge of ferocity taking over. “Ace, you don’t even know what you put me...” I drifted off as his face paled, the realization dawning on him.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured, meeting my eyes. They were wide and full of sincere repentance. You won’t fool me again. “Solana, look...”
“Don’t lie to me. You’re just like every other no good human on this planet, lying constantly without any hesitation. It’s your nature, isn’t it?” I snapped, unable to stop the tears from falling.
I’d lied to myself; it hurt more than anything to be so cruel.
“Conniving little fox. I told you everything. I confided in you. I trusted you!” Judging by the stunned expression residing on his features, it was clear I’d taken him by utter surprise. “I trusted you with everything. You couldn’t even tell me a single thing about your life. So what do you do instead? Turn your back on me and break my heart!” Now, I had to admit the tone I was using was opposite of what I normally used. It was strange. Even so, Ace didn’t seem to care about my volume.
His eyes darkened as he turned away from me, snatching up the bottle of alcohol with a heavy sigh. Without sparing a glance at me, he took a long swig from it, draining nearly a quarter of the bottle. Rendered almost speechless, my eyes went wide.
“Ace—” I began, my voice softer, panicked. As he closed his eyes, he rested the bottle on the counter, wiping his other hand across his lips.
“You want to know something, Angel?” he muttered, his voice low. “I didn’t tell you to protect you.” Puzzled, I only managed to stare at him. “You don’t want to know my past.”
“If you haven’t noticed, I never wanted to tell anyone my past, either,” I argued, darting forward to grab the bottle as he reached for it, managing to toss it into the sink without him knocking it away. His eyes on fire, he grabbed my wrists again, stepping closer and staring at me with a terrifying intensity.
“That may be true, but here’s the difference between you and me,” he whispered, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. “You didn’t kill people you loved.” I could have sworn my heart stopped. He’s joking. But the serious, sorrowful look in his eyes said otherwise.
“What?” I breathed, swallowing, my mind clearer than ever.
“I killed them, alright?” he shouted, his voice rattling the cupboards. He didn’t seem to mind that it was likely his voice had woken up other members. Softening his tone and releasing my hands, he added, “I didn’t mean to... but I did.”
“Who?” I managed to murmur, my heart threatening to burst. It was so stressful, so unreal.
“My family. Mother, father. My sister, Renee. It was all my fault.” He turned on me yet again. “But you wouldn’t understand.”
“I’ll try,” I offered, completely calmed down.
“No, you won’t,” he barked, his fists clenching, short fingernails digging into his palms. “You can’t possibly hope to understand how I made a stupid mistake, how I was tortured every day by my family, which, for your information, consisted of wanted criminals. I saw them all die, watched as the cops shot bullets straight through their heads while I hid like a coward. I may have been six, but I was their death. I was stupid.”
“Ace, you were just a kid...” I soothed, resting a hand on his shoulder. His confession genuinely shocked me. “I can’t believe you’ve held this inside for so long.”
“You did the same.”
“But...”
“Yours wasn’t as bad. Yours wasn’t your fault,” he finished, shutting his eyes. Moved, my lip trembling, I rested a shaking hand on his cheek, unsure of what else to do.
“It’s okay. What’s done... is done...” I murmured, stepping closer and resting my cheek on his shoulder. After a few seconds, his arms wrapped around me, tightly, as if he didn’t want to let me go. How strange it is to feel... wanted. What an alien sensation.
“I don’t deserve this,” he whispered, his voice shaking. “I made you so upset. I didn’t know...”
“Shh...” I hushed, sighing into him. “It’s okay. I shouldn’t have... reacted that way... It was my fault.”
“What are you talking about?” he queried, sounding perplexed. “Solana, it was my fault. I shouldn’t have lied.”
“So... you lied about...?” I choked out, heart racing. Am I just getting my hopes up?
“You’re amazing, Lana. Better than a friend. Better than a best friend. Solana, I...” Grinning, he took my hands in his, the buzz of the alcohol apparently having worn off, seeing as his grip was gentler. Face flushing, I couldn’t take my eyes off of his, their ebony and icy colors entrancing. “See, we exist to fall in love with the problematic. We live to find beauty in the broken.” Smiling kindly, he ran a thumb over my left cheek, brushing my hair behind my ear. “Babe... I found that. In you.”
“Really?” I breathed, tears brimming. “Are you telling... the truth?” Nodding, he moved closer, his breath tinged with the faint scent of alcohol and warm against my skin.
“Of course, Angel. I would never lie about that,” he murmured, rubbing my cheek and sending a chill down my spine.
“You did before.”
“I was trying to protect you.” I sighed. “Solana, I’m sorry.”
“I know. It’s... I forgive you.”
“I’m glad,” he smirked, pulling me closer. Blushing, I didn’t fight back, intrigued and... oddly comfortable. Sensing my lack of hesitation, Ace took the initiative and, for a few brief seconds, he pressed his lips against mine, gentle and caring, his touch soft as if he feared he’d break me.
“Solana?” a peppy voice called from the hallway, my mind too sluggish from the dizzying kiss to place it in time. “We heard you down here and wanted to apologi—” Kateri’s words were cut short as she and Riley turned around the corner, her jaw dropping as Riley simply gaped.
Abashed, I pulled away, earning a hurt and confused stare from Ace until he realized where I was gazing.
“Oh, ah... hey, ladies,” he muttered sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck and keeping a hand clasped with mine. After a few seconds of silence, the water nymph’s face turned an angry shade of red, her blue hair swaying as she stomped forward, jabbing Ace in the chest with an extended index finger.
“Oh now this is crossing the line, mister,” she growled, narrowing her eyes. “How dare you treat her like that! I ought to—” Afraid she would either bruise him or talk him to death, I interrupted, feeling almost delirious with the rush of endorphins. This is so... weird?
“Kateri, it’s alright,” I giggled, lifting our intertwined hands for a few seconds. “Thanks, but,” I smiled, “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” she questioned, her tone skeptical.
“Because if you aren’t, boy you are in troubllleeee,” Riley commented, planting her hands on her hips. Though her words made me want to laugh again, the threat was still serious.
“I’m sure.”
“Yeah, she’s sure. No trouble necessary,” Ace confirmed, beaming. Kateri’s face lit up.
“SOLANA THIS IS GREAT!” she cried, racing toward me and tearing me away from Ace, forcing me into a spinning jump I couldn’t escape from. “Now we can go on double dates!”
“Uh... with who?” How long have I been out of it again??
“Keefer!!”
“You know, dark, brooding, and handsome?” Riley offered, hiding her grin.
“... Does he know about it?” I couldn’t help but ask. After a moment of thought, her cheeks flushed.
“Not yet... Someday, he’ll be mine! Don’t you worry!” she laughed, coming to a standstill.
“That sounds... like fun,” I chuckled, my lips tilting into a smile. A genuine one.
“Definitely,” Ace agreed, wrapping an arm around me. Even though he had lied to me and yelled, I felt as though we’d somehow grown closer. The way he confided in me, despite the fact it’d taken me to act abnormally for him to do so, made me realize the truth.
Trust was a difficult thing, especially after the betrayals I’d face. However, when put into the right person, even when it seemed like a mistake at first, could pay off in the end.
Ace was the right person for me. I knew I shouldn’t have gotten so worked up, but, if I hadn’t, who knows what could have happened. We’d grown close, closer than I’d have thought possible.
The Fennec, plus my two outgoing new friends, Kateri and Riley, made a good team of colleagues I was happy to have made, for once.
Maybe I was changing, learning to trust again after twelve long years. Maybe... it was all for the better.
★☽★☾★☽★☾★☽★☾★☽★☾★
Blahhhh I cannot do romance xD therefore I did as little as I could. DID YOU ENJOY THE ANGST? hehehehe oh goodness I apologize. This'll be the last post for her until the Plot Line/Twist (MWAHAHAHAHA) so I hope you enjoyed it!! <3
