Flirting Lessons with Riley
Riley paced the floor, yardstick in hand, as she eyes the nervous Wyvern with her golden gaze. She slapped the blackboard to get his attention. “So, what’s the first rule?”
“Compliment her... smile?”
“Right. Second?”
Griffin swallowed. “Make her laugh.”
“Absolutely. And last?”
“Um... You...” Paling, Griffin began to twiddle his thumbs.
Riley pointed the yardstick in his lily-livered face. “You make her want you, you hear? Make her feel good, make her think you are the best thing since sliced bread. Or since bacon. Unless she’s a vegetarian, but that’s beside the point.”
“And you are certain this method is effective?” the reptile inquired, licking his lips.
“Babe, I’ve seen it in action, and it is a lady-killer!” she said with a smirk, leaning atop the desk where Griffin sat. He appeared to be appalled.
“Well, I most certainly do not wish to murder any women by going through with this!” he exclaimed, trying to escape.
“It’s an expression, dork. It means it’s foolproof.”
“I am not so certain it means what you think it means; I have access to the Internet, you know.”
“Wow, welcome to the twentieth century.” Her sarcasm went undetected.
Griffin sighed, bowing his head in his hands. “Riley, I just do not wish this to go awry.”
Wrapping an arm around his shoulders, Riley tried to console him. “There, there, puddin’ pop. It’ll be alright. You’re a catch. You’ve got game. You are the man! So go out there and show her what you’re made of!”
With an uneasy smile, Griffin rose, dusting himself off. “I only hope your lesson proves to be useful.”
“Ninety-nine times out of one hundred, it is!”
After allowing her to mess up his hair (or as she called it: “give it some shabang"), Griffin headed out on his hunt for the werewolf with the kitsune close on his tail.
He found her in the kitchen, clothed in a simple getup of flannel pants and a tank top. Sensing his hesitation, Riley gave him a swift shove between the shoulder blades, offering a quiet, "You go, tiger. Me-ow!" as he stumbled.
Akira peeked above the refrigerator door as he righted himself. "Oh, hey, Griff."
He cleared his throat, daring a glance back at Riley when Akira ducked back down. She motioned for him to follow the plan. "Good evening, Akira. How are you?"
She emerged with a Tupperware container full of leftover hamburger. Shrugging, she grabbed a fork and sat at the table. "Eh, pretty good. You?"
"I am well, thank you." A few moments of very awkward silence passed as Akira dug into her cold meal. Then, Griffin remembered the plan perfectly.
He sat down across from her. "Akira?" She looked up inquisitively. When he didn't say anything for a moment, she offered a half-smile in hopes it would ease whatever discomforts he seemed to be having. "You, ah, have a lovely smile."
She paused right in the middle of plucking a piece of red beef from between her teeth. The rest of her mouth was stained in red, too. "Uh... Thanks."
From around the corner (out of Akira's line of sight), Riley held up two fingers and mouthed, "Step two!"
Griffin cleared his throat. "Akira, what do you get when you cross a wolf and a wyvern?"
Sputtering, she dropped the fork in the container. "What the h*ll, Griffin? What kind of a question is that?"
By this point, Griffin was sweating profusely, cheeks flushed and palms warm. Still, Riley held up three fingers.
"Akira, you are fantastic and I believe that you and I were destined to be together."
Around the bend, Riley slapped a hand to her forehead. Akira stared at the wyvern, eying him with no emotion.
She rose, tossing the now-empty container into the sunk, followed by the used utensil. Crossing her arms, she leaned against the table. "Look, Griffin, I don't know what drugs you're on or what, but whatever it is, keep it away from the younger ones. And stop using it. You don't have that many brain cells to spare. Sleep it off, and talk to me when you're sober."
Once she'd left, Griffin let his head drop to the table only to lift it up and let it fall again.
Riley slunk into the room cautiously, resting a hand on his shoulder once she reached him. "Hey, Griff, my man?"
He lifted his face so he could stare at hers. "You said it would work. You said it was foolproof."
With a sheepish smile, Roley shrugged. "Guess Akira is the one percent." Griffin bowed his head once more, defeated. "NO, that doesn't mean you give up! It means you try harder! It means that Akira is different! Get back up, and I'll help you win that hairy heart!"
With a sigh, he rose, cracking his neck.
"That's the spirit! Now, let's go review the steps one more time. Then, we can try it out on someone else first." She tapped her chin in thought. "Who do you know is naive and innocent and gullible and ridiculous?"
In a moment, Griffin's grin returned, and he spun to face Riley. Taking her hand in his, he said, "Riley, you have a beautiful smile."
