Twitter with Alice
“Please repeat that,” Griffin begged, eyes locked on the flickering screen. Alice sighed; it’d been a long day already, and Griffin’s inability to comprehend the simplest of instructions was giving her a migraine.
“Look, it’s really easy,” she said, pushing him out of the way and taking control of the mouse. “You type in your name, your email, a password, your birthday, and your gender. That’s all you’ve gotta do to get started.”
“But I do not understand. What is an ‘email’?” he groaned, hands woven into his hair. Despite her self-control the vampire slapped a hand to her forehead.
“It’s like you’ve been living under a rock.”
“Close. I spent my days in an abandoned warehouse.”
She couldn’t tell if he was kidding or not, so she decided against the laugh. “Griffin, just...” She sighed. “I’ll give you an email real quick, then you can set up your Twitter. How’s ‘broodingdragon13’ sound?”
“I am not a dragon!” he growled, fuming.
She rolled her eyes. “Fine. ‘MoodyWyvern13’ it is.” He didn’t object, and even if he had, Alice would have continued. It was an ingenious name, afterall.
A few minutes later, his Twitter was up and running, but still he seemed confused.
“What is the point of this website? To follow others? Why is stalking now acceptable?”
“It’s not stalking. You follow people.” HIs expression didn’t change. “You just... You get updates on what people think.”
“That seems a bit intrusive.”
“And it is! That’s what the Internet is kinda about. An invasion of privacy.”
Griffin gaped at her, eyebrows furrowed. “Then why would anyone wish to partake in such a thing?”
Fed up with his antics, Alice grabbed his shoulders and forced him to look at her. “The Internet is a magical place filled with rainbow poptart kittens that fly through space, Korean men who become international hits, sax players who are downright amazing, annoying oranges who don’t shut the h*ll up, role-playing worlds, rage, videos, anime, comics, trolls, and everything you could ever imagine.”
For a few moments, he remained silent. “You are describing the effects of LSD.”
“Augh! You’re hopeless!” With that, she stormed away.
“Alice! Wait! I wish to unlock the secrets of the Internet!” came his desperate cry.
“Then do it yourself!” she shouted back. Stupid wyvern couldn’t even figure out Google.
What a peasant.
