So I've been put on different medication, and so much stress is weighing in on my shoulders.
BUT.
On Steam (You know. The place you can download games n stuff on your computer?) my friend is getting me a gift card for it so we can play games and see who's online and everything. So she's my bestest friendo ever.
OK she's not just my friend because of that. In fact I couldn't care less about that to be honest. But she's my friend because she's the only idiot who's actually stuck it out with me. For all the stupid things I've done to her, she's there. You know that other friend? I can state her name. I have to skip a few lessons a lot lately and she asks where have you been? I reply 'doctors'. She replies with Oh. I'd like for her to know what I'm going through but I'm too shy to even tell her. But my other friend - okay her name is Jeanna - she's there. She understands more than anyone! Including my own fucking parents! I trust her more than I trust my own mother! Either I'm retarded or she's something special, amiright? No. Of course not. It's hard to explain, ya know? Here's a few scenarios with her and I compared to me and my other 'friends'.
"Aren't you eating anything?" Jeanna asks.
"I'm not hungry"
"EAT THIS" shoves food in front of me.
"... oh. okay"
"Aren't you hungry?" other friend (Let's name her Kiara for this sake) asks.
"I don't want to eat" I shrug.
"Oh. Can I eat your food?
"Wanna come over? Or I come to your place?" I ask
"YES OH MY GOD sounds fun! Is Sunday okay? Oh I'm so pumped!"
"Wanna come over? Or I come to your place?"
"Sure. But you have to come here. What day?"
"Sunday?"
"Can't got church looks like you can't come over oh well" hangs up phone
"I've got a crush on someone" I murmur.
"Oh, really? Who?" Jeanna asks.
"This guy"
"Oh this guy? Yeah I think you have a shot at him!"
"I've got a crush on someone"
"Who?"
"This guy"
Walks off and tells crush.
Walks into area and dumps bag. "Hey sorry I'm late, I had to go somewhere" I say
"Oh?" Jeanna frowns and takes ALL of her attention away from everyone and everything else and looks directly at me.
"I had to go to the doctors"
"Oh, are you okay?"
"I'd be lying if I said yes"
"Well, I won't push you for answers"
"Where were you?!" Kiara asks.
"Had to go to doctors"
"Oh" Resumes attention to whatever it was.
Okay, end of examples.
But...
I feel as if I am really what that guy called me. I was talking to someone the other day about my problems and they called me an attention whore.
