Lucy... My psychiatrist.
She called in sick today and it's been 5 weeks since I last saw her, and I feel like I'm falling apart.
I just need to survive until next week, but I don't know if I can.
I can't get out of bed, because I just dread the feeling of being lonely. I hate it. I HATE it.
It hurts more than physical pain. I'd rather lose a limb than be lonely.
I don't know if I can do this. I'm going to try, but 7 days feels like a year for me.
I'll just listen to music and ignore everyone like I always do, I guess...
I'm going to try. I don't think it's going to end up okay, but I don't know.
I don't want to cut because it shows. And I don't exactly want to kill myself yet. I just want to disappear.
It hurts. I want it to stop.
I even think the lack of friends is making me crazy.
I keep seeing things that aren't there. Like shadows, and white things, and my cat, but when I turn it's just shoes or something.
And my mum's cat is acting strange around me.
Like... She used to be so mutual around me. But on Wednesday when my mum was out, she came into my room and was purring super loudly and sat on me and tried to get my attention since I was paying attention to my iPad. So naturally I turned it off and gave her all my attention and smiled at her and everything and it looked like she was smiling, as if she achieved something. I eventually turned the iPad back on and sat up, but she kept nudging me until she left. But she looked at me before she left, like she knew I was feeling low. She came back later and did the same thing, but she wasn't as clingy (and pointy). Then I had to go to my course. She watched me as I left.
She probably knows I'm not feeling good.
I don't know what to do.