THREE MONTHS LATER...
"He WHAT?!"
"Hello, and welcome to KUA* News. Our top stories tonight:
We chat to Minato Shāko at the Brightest Star Awards...
A flashmob happens straight after a bomb explosion...
And King Edward** IX abdicates after only two and a half months of being in power..."
"HUH?! What's this all about?!" I asked Christopher.
"Watch the news first. Then ask about what you still don't know."
I didn't give a monkey's about the natural disaster in some developing country or other, or what Minato Shāko won at the Brightest Star Awards. In fact, I was still standing up in shock while the newsreader drivelled on, asking why "Can't this thing go any faster?"
"And now, a story that has shocked the country into a state of instability once again.
"Yeah right. The Prime Minister's been in power for yonks now. They can manage without us."
"Watch and listen," Christopher sighed.
"After only about two and a half months of being on the throne, our King Edward IX has decided to step down from the job. Despite being plagued by phone calls and interviews from paparazzi left, right and centre, he was unavailable for comment, but he did have his bodyguard film him giving a speech about it and put it on YouTube."
Then they showed what must have been an extract from the video. It showed Edward sitting down on a plastic chair from the waist up, looking straight at the camera.
"Okay. I know that when you think about kings and royalty, you think that it's one of the best jobs to have. People look up to you, you have money coming out of your ears and a fabulous life. That's understandable. But let me tell you something. The life of a king is not all diamonds and gold. I just can't cope with all the pressure you guys are putting on me to do well. Even my family are dragging me down. I'll admit. I'm young and my lifestyle isn't very tame. And I'm worried that if I have to bear this responsibility any longer I'll go mad. In fact, within a few months, you might have even ended up with a modern-day Hitler. So I've decided to step down, for the sake of my sanity and you guys. I know some of you will go absolutely crazy at me, but I'm convinced that this is the right thing to do. I hope you understand. Thank you."
"RIGHT THING TO DO MY FOOT! HE'LL BE MESSED UP ANYWAY WHEN I'VE FINISHED WITH HIIIiii- Oh shit.
It was like the KUA News had read my mind.
"Edward has now gained the title of Duke of Senhuu (I was now Prince of Rishia-Ualdor instead of him), and his younger brother, the Crown Prince Rupert, is expected to be coronated next month."
The newsreader then started talking about a strange explosion in Riten Square, so I switched the iPad off and dialled Edward's number. He picked up.
"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?! CHRISTOPHER SHOWED ME THE KUA NEWS JUST NOW!"
Judging by his voice, Edward was holding his nose.
"Hello, I'm sorry but Edward is not here right now. Please leave a message after the tone..."
"DON'T PULL A FUCKING FAKE ANSWERPHONE THING ON ME! I KNOW YOU'RE THERE! AND YOU DO REALIZE YOU'VE LANDED ME IN SOME UTTERLY CRAZY SHIT YOU BASTARD..."
Oh my days I was beginning to sound like my brother, a king, already.
Edward hung up.
"DON'T HANG UP ON ME! I'M NOT FINISHED WITH YOU YET... Oh, fuck it." I put the phone down.
"What was all that disgusting language for?" Grandmother walked into the room.
"Three words. My. Brother. Edward."
"Oh yes. I heard. How utterly shameful. But that's still no excuse."
"Whatever."
"Don't talk to me like that young man."
"You forget." I laughed bitterly. "I'm now the heir to the throne. I'll be King soon. So age won't matter and you'll be taking orders from me. If your lucky I might end up like that North Korean leader who had his uncle executed."
Grandmother tried to grab back some authority.
"Yes, you will be King soon. But right now age does matter and whatever your position in society, you must have respect for your elders."
"Whatever." I muttered quietly, and ran up to my room.
Edward had gone off to our country estate to calm down, which was a right pain.
We still had some newspaper clippings of his coronation, including some that took the mick. It would be me in that crown and purple ermine robe soon...
Actually, come to think of it, Edward did look rather scared at the coronation party.
Still, soon it would me my turn. All that responsibility... The weight of all of Altea on my shoulders... To be honest, I still wonder sometimes how Father did it.
I felt utterly scared.
"Would you like me to get you a glass of water?" asked Christopher.
"Yes please."
And then I had the idea.
It was risky.
It was utterly crazy.
And no, it wasn't suicide.
I know Mary isn't exactly the right person for the job (and not because she's a woman), but I just can't cope with all this pressure. To be honest, I still haven't quite gotten over the shock of losing Father.
I got out a pen and some paper.
Dear Mother,
I know this will come as a definite shock to you, and in fact all of Altea, but I'm sure you've heard about Edward's (your son) latest bombshell. And to be honest, I feel really scared. I do not feel ready for the responsibility I have to bear.
So, I have decided to run away. I am not going to tell you where in case this letter gets intercepted by the press, but I swear on my life that I was not forced by anyone in any way to write this. Don't worry. I'm sure that wherever I am going I will be safe.
Love you,
Rupert
Next, I went on Aïrotan se Unari's*** website to book a flight. I'm sure I would be easier to find in Altea. Google also helped out by providing information about potential places. But what really caught my eye was a village called Thorliskali, in a region called Saltney. The Internet said it was a "diverse, rural village with more to it than meets the eye".
I booked one of the last few tickets at the back of an aeroplane.
I then packed my stuff and hid the suitcase under my bed, then set my alarm to midnight. I would be catching the flight at 5 in the morning (no wonder the ticket was so cheap) and hid the letter under my pillow.
As the English playwright Shakespeare once wrote: "For this night, to bed, and dream on the events."
I felt a strange surge of excitement. This was going to be... how do commoners say it? Cool.
---
Cultural Notes
*KUA stands for Konapsi Uhntellna Alteā, which is Altean for Altean Broadcasting Corporation. It's like the Altean equivalent of the BBC, and is often referred to as "Kah-oo-ah", (K, U, and A in Altean) "Kuh-oohwa" or "Kuwa".
**Oh, and King Edward IX is Rupert's older brother, not his father. He's dead.
***Aïrotan se Unari literally means "Airport of Salvation".
