In a handful of words: YunJae trainee fic, rooftops, conversations with more tiptoeing than actual speaking.
This fic is my baby. My unfinished baby, but still. And it's guaranteed to not be depressing! ;D
Jung Yunho had learned throughout the months following their first meeting that, despite his too pretty, almost feminine features and occasional mother-like tendencies, Kim Jaejoong was a wild stallion: determined, passionate, distant, obvious and unreadable, a paradox whose fierce ambition left Yunho breathless trying to keep up. So instead of breathing, Yunho sung—sung and sung until it hurt even to laugh.
The day the very first hint was dropped of Dong Bang Shin Ki’s imminent formation (a careless remark by their dance trainer that the two of them along with Kim Junsu would soon be taking private lessons) was the same day that Jaejoong first invited Yunho to his apartment. The apartment unit itself was plain in Yunho’s opinion, boring in Jaejoong’s, so the elder of the two preferred to drag his friend to the rooftop instead, where they would watch the sunset and draw made up constellations in the sky once the stars twinkled into sight. Jaejoong would pass time talking about anything and everything, his youth and his nicotine driving away exhaustion and fatigue. Yunho wasn’t as resilient and often fell asleep to the sound of his hyung’s chatter or to his humming of an unknown tune. And when Yunho would begin to shiver from the cold after unconsciousness claimed him, Jaejoong would quietly curl up next to him and share his warmth, ignoring the nagging voice in his head that said they would be scolded in the morning for staying out all night.
As the weeks crawled by and the spontaneous nightly meetings grew more frequent, Yunho gained the distinct impression that, for all Jaejoong’s rambling, there were a lot of things the other boy was careful to keep hidden. On some nights, Jaejoong avoided talking about himself entirely and asked Yunho an endless stream of questions, as if, Yunho guessed, he were trying to evade something in his own life by peering into the lives of others. Jaejoong’s behavior troubled him sometimes, but the other boy was laughter and fun and his mere presence helped Yunho feel not-so-alone, so he couldn’t ask for anything more.
.
.
“Tell me.”
Yunho’s scowl deepened. “No!”
“Why not?”
Jaejoong stretched out atop the stone floor of the rooftop, arms resting comfortably behind his head, smirking to himself as Yunho visibly squirmed from where he sat a short distance away.
Yunho had been acting a bit… off the past few days. Jaejoong noticed it in the way Yunho would begin to talk about something only to trail off uncertainly, noticed it in the alarming number of times Yunho would stare off into space, only for his eyes to unconsciously fall on him then move away just as quickly. After hours of scrutinizing Yunho much in the way one would observe a particularly intriguing lab specimen, Jaejoong had smugly proclaimed that the other was bothered by something and was gathering up the courage to tell him about it. Yunho vehemently denied this, but his sudden inability to look Jaejoong in the face told the older boy all he needed to know.
“Tell me.” Jaejoong reached up to prod him in the arm for the dozenth time. “You know I’ll keep bothering you until you tell me, so just spit it out already.”
Yunho felt his resistance weaken at his acknowledgment of this fact; Jaejoong’s persistence (pushiness was more like it, although Yunho would never say that to his elder’s face) was inescapable once it had locked onto its target and begun its pursuit. He sighed in resignation and barely suppressed the urge to bury his face in his hands.
“Are you gay?”
Jaejoong stiffened for a moment, then jerked up into a sitting position, eyebrows slightly furrowed and eyes wide and unblinking as he stared. “What?” He sat unnaturally still, and Yunho briefly wondered if Jaejoong would tip over and crack like a statue if he pushed him hard enough.
“Heechul dared me to ask. Just forget it, it’s stupid.” Yunho turned away and looked at anything other than the boy next to him, hoping his answer would be enough to get him out of the hole he had dug for himself.
“And why does Heechul think I’m gay?”
Crap. “You don’t want to know why.”
“Try me.”
There was a hint of warning in Jaejoong’s voice, and Yunho knew he was cornered. He steeled himself, praying that all this didn’t lead to a black eye in the morning. “He says that you’re unnaturally pretty and too well-groomed for a straight guy. And you own more boots than most women, and something about you being kinda touchy-feely with Yehsung. Don’t look at me like that, I’m not the one who said it.”
“My looks, my shoes… and Yehsung make me gay?” Jaejoong’s voice was flat and unimpressed. Yunho caught Jaejoong rolling his eyes before he once again fell back against the cold stone beneath them.
“It’s Heechul’s logic not mine. I told him he was being stupid, but he kept bothering me to ask. Heh, he even thinks you have a crush on me,” Yunho laughed and mentally cursed himself for how forced it sounded, “He says it’s weird that the two of us sometimes spend more time around each other than with our actual roommates. He thinks these rooftop meetings are dates.”
Yunho laughed again, but trailed off awkwardly when he realized the other boy wasn’t laughing with him. Yunho waited for a reaction, maybe a sarcastic remark about how Yunho would make a sucky boyfriend or something, but several minutes passed and Jaejoong failed to make a single sound. Yunho chanced a glance at his friend, but Jaejoong’s head was turned to the side, face hidden from Yunho’s view. He coughed; he didn’t know why, but he felt nervous. “…Jaejoong?”
The other boy said nothing in reply, and Yunho began to fidget. Jaejoong was only ever this quiet when he was either lost in thought or purposefully ignoring someone, and considering what he had just said, Yunho figured it was the latter. Did accusing him of being gay really piss him off that badly?
“Just forget I brought it up. Being pretty and owning tons of boots isn’t all that weird for an idol, if you think about it. And most girls like dating guys with pretty faces!” Yunho wildly grasped for words in his head, anxious to make the other boy say something to him. “No one takes any of Heechul’s theories seriously anyway. Or much of anything he says, for that matter. Believe me, no one really thinks that you’re gay-”
“I know all that, you dummy.” But the softness of Jaejoong’s voice stripped the insult of any of its sting. “I don’t care if other people think I’m gay anyway.”
“…Then what’s wrong?”
The question was asked so innocently and with such obvious concern that something cold and hard deep within Jaejoong shattered, and for the barest of moments, he felt as if he could tell Yunho anything and everything.
After a pause, Jaejoong pushed himself off the ground and sat with his forearms resting on his knees, expression unreadable. “The thing is…” Jaejoong hesitated and bit his lip, finding this more painful to admit than he had expected. “My girlfriend broke up with me a couple weeks ago. For good this time, probably. So tell Heechul that I’m sorry to disappoint or whatever, but I’m not attracted to you. Or any man.” Jaejoong forced a sad little laugh, and Yunho almost winced at the sound of it.
Yunho let the message sink in and found that, for once, he didn’t know how to answer. Jaejoong had never mentioned a girlfriend before, much less a break up. The best Yunho could come up with was a lame sounding, “Oh,” then added as an afterthought, “Sorry.”
Yunho heard a soft snort. “Don’t be. You wouldn’t feel sorry if you knew what she was like.” If Jaejoong had meant for the words to sound bitter, they didn’t to Yunho’s ears.
“Then I’m sorry for forcing you into talking about all this.”
Jaejoong took his apology as sincere, and Yunho felt Jaejoong scoot closer until he could feel the slight pressure of Jaejoong’s shoulder against his.
“You didn’t force me into doing anything. I wanted to tell you.”
Yunho felt something inside him tug happily at the older boy’s words, but his confusion quickly overpowered it. “Why?”
Jaejoong chose not to elaborate, and another long silence fell between them. Jaejoong was even closer now, enough that Yunho could feel the loose, flying strands of Jaejoong’s long hair brush against his neck—too close. Yunho felt his cheeks heat up at the touch, but he stubbornly suppressed the sudden, alien sensation, and like so many other things, the feeling was pushed to the back of his mind.
Yunho suspected that the other boy was waiting for him to say something, but he didn’t know what. Jaejoong was confusing him and Yunho hated it, hated feeling awkward and helpless and the myriad of other emotions that welled up whenever he was around his beautiful, bizarre friend.
He contemplated making up an excuse and running away before the night could get any weirder—or before Jaejoong could move any closer. But the thought fled his mind completely when Jaejoong abruptly blurted out, “Girlfriends suck.”
Yunho was silent at first, startled by the unexpected disruption of quiet. But then Yunho laughed, surprised that the sound could be coaxed out of him so easily despite his discomfort, and although Jaejoong had stated it half-seriously, he laughed along with him. The echoes of their laughs mingled in the otherwise still night air, and Yunho thought that he suddenly didn’t mind their closeness.
“Maybe they do,” Yunho managed between chuckles, “Or maybe you’re gayer than you think.”
Jaejoong poked his tongue out at his friend and lightly punched him in the arm. Yunho countered with a punch back, and Jaejoong punched again, and before they knew it, they were both lying on their backs, arms slightly sore and nearly out of breath with laughter.
