Why

Could someone tell me what this is...
This feeling of joy and of sorrow...
Tears dancing down my smiling face...
Seeming as though nothing were real...
As if this beautiful and tragic life is just a dream within my head...
Where the winged seraph holds his sword to my heart of darkness...
As it still beats with love and prepares to die...
What, what is it, please, God, tell me!...
How can I make tomorrow brighter...
If I can't even rise from my knees?..
Where is the light at the end of this tunnel... Where?!...
Shall I always weep and smile till the night I die?...
And if so tell me why.