I have just been like hit in the face with something...*sigh* hope, my friend, does hate me everyone. yes i know this to be true. Well she just made a myspace and on her pics she had her birthday party which i wasnt able to go to because she never relle wanted me to go i guess. i called her like twice the night to tell her i can go....shes annoyed with me yes, i know this and it tears me apart. dont say anything bad about her because i guess thats just what a normal person would hate me for. being stupid obnoxious and annoying....this leads to my emo moments haha and not cutting well like ive not relle tried but like i pick up a razor every now and again and see if i can graze my skin to see if it hurts and of course it does so i put it back down and then come here to read my amazing comments by all my wonderful internet friends. and then i think internet friends i dont even know you and how sad that is then i get sad again. so i read manga and that makes me happy then i think wow i should be running around or something not being on the computer so im a mixture of lets just say an outgoing emo haha. yes maybe that would best describe me. im never emotional around people and when they ask me about my feeling i want to tell them i relle do but then i dont and i think they would hate me for it or something and it just makes me even more stupid. also i keep everything to myself. sometimes i think i need therapy but then i dont want to because that would mean im meantally ill and that scares the hell out of me because my mother has it. she told me it runs in the family so then i get scared even more and i always think back on anything ive ever done and think how crazy that was and maybe i am mentally ill. what if i dont even know it. so im also a very outgoing scared person. haha yes but enough of this lemme tell you all something happier

since my friend hope and amber dont talk to me i brought my friend genesis with me to lake compounce. its an amusment park in conetticut. it had 3 roller coasters and a water park. it was so much fun we had a blast. we met these kool guys to my friend had such a good time haha. yeah and we played softball today with my aunts son and his friends and team and girlfriend and her family so it was relle good. but im relle hungry and i have only eaten cotton candy and popcorn since breakfast. so my vision is even getting a little woozy. haha. i also wanted to go to my friend christys house this weekend thats why im not sure if ill be here tomorrow or later tonight or whatever i might i need to ease my mom into it tho and i relle want to go hopefully i can if not ill be here tonight.

another thing i have missed so soso much as i always do so i have to go through everything which i hate haha so maybe make it esier on me and tell me what you did or what happend if you subbmitted anything. or if you dont feel like it i wont comment because i wont know. so yeah. thanks everyone. love you!
♥trinity